Communication
When partners return home from service, they often face new challenges to their relationship. They may have suffered physical injuries, experienced trauma, developed PTSD or depression, lost friends, witnessed death, or been away for an extended time. These changes affect how they relate to each other, including their desires, fears, moods, routines, and sense of identity. Couples must communicate honestly about these issues to rebuild trust and mutual understanding.
Recognizing Changes
Partners should recognize that their needs and priorities have changed.
Some veterans feel anxious in public spaces or prefer to avoid crowds. This impacts dating, social events, family gatherings, and leisure activities. Partners need to respect these boundaries and seek alternatives.
Survivors may struggle with intimacy due to sexual assault or abuse, resulting in a lack of desire, body image issues, or performance anxiety. Both partners should discuss their feelings and adjust accordingly.
Adapting Routines
Routines play an important role in maintaining harmony.
When one partner returns from service, their routine shifts while the other's remains unchanged. This can lead to tension and resentment if not addressed early. Veterans may need more personal space, while partners may want more closeness. Each person must compromise and find balance.
Seek Professional Help
Couples counseling can help address underlying issues and identify practical solutions. A therapist can provide guidance on communication techniques, stress management strategies, and relationship dynamics. They may also recommend books, apps, and support groups for additional resources. Some couples benefit from individual therapy for specific concerns such as trauma, depression, or substance abuse.
Rekindling Passion
Renegotiating sex requires openness, patience, and creativity. Couples should start by identifying each other's needs and desires, focusing on pleasure rather than performance. They should explore new positions, roles, and scenarios that suit both partners. They should take time to relax and connect before engaging in physical activity. If needed, they should try alternative forms of intimacy, including massage, cuddling, or simply spending quality time together.
Building Trust
Trust is crucial for sexual harmony. Partners should be honest about their feelings, boundaries, and expectations. They should communicate their needs and desires clearly and without judgment. They should show vulnerability and empathy towards each other. This helps build trust, which creates a safe environment for intimacy to flourish.
How do couples renegotiate sexual harmony after one partner returns from the front carrying invisible wounds, changed priorities, or altered emotional rhythms?
Returning from war can be an emotionally jarring experience for both partners. The returning veteran might have trouble adjusting back into their civilian life and reconnecting with their loved ones. Sexual intimacy may also become challenging if there are physical or psychological changes that affect their ability to perform sexually. It is important for couples to communicate openly about these issues so they can work together to find new ways of being intimate that feel comfortable for both partners.