Trauma is a severe response to an extremely stressful event that leads to physiological changes in the body, including activation of the fight/flight/freeze response, alterations in hormonal balance, and difficulties with regulating mood, thoughts, and behaviors. These changes can persist for months or even years after the event has passed.
Someone who was raped may experience panic attacks when they see their attacker's face, hypervigilance toward people of the same gender as their attacker, nightmares about being attacked again, insomnia, intrusive memories or flashbacks, intense anxiety, irritability, difficulty trusting others, social isolation, dissociation, or other symptoms. These symptoms are normal responses to traumatic experiences and do not reflect a person's character flaws, weakness, or lack of self-control.
These symptoms can be misunderstood by partners who may interpret them as signs of infidelity, betrayal, rejection, anger, or lack of interest in the relationship. This can lead to misinterpretations of sexual withdrawal, frustration, emotional disconnection, or other problems in the relationship.
If a partner with PTSD is triggered by loud noises, they may become anxious and avoid sex or intimacy because they feel overwhelmed or unsafe. Their partner may assume that the person does not find them attractive anymore, is bored with the relationship, or no longer desires physical contact. This can cause conflict, tension, and resentment between partners, leading to further alienation and distress. Another example is if a person with C-PTSD has flashbacks or outbursts during sex, which can make it difficult for both partners to enjoy themselves. The non-trauma survivor may perceive this behavior as cruel, uncaring, or manipulative and distance themselves emotionally from their partner. In addition, if a partner with complex trauma struggles with boundaries, they may engage in unhealthy patterns such as controlling behaviors, gaslighting, or manipulation, which can damage trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Someone with a history of childhood abuse may have difficulty expressing needs, setting limits, communicating wants, or asking for help. They may also struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, or self-doubt, making it challenging to establish healthy communication in the relationship. These symptoms can be misunderstood as signs of rejection, defensiveness, or unloveable qualities, leading to further isolation and disconnection.
To prevent misinterpretations, it's essential for partners to educate themselves on the impact of trauma and how it affects relationships. They should seek therapy together or individually, read books on trauma recovery, attend support groups, and practice active listening skills. Partners can also provide support by validating each other's experiences, offering comfort and compassion, and respecting physical and emotional boundaries. It's crucial not to blame, judge, criticize, or try to fix the other person but instead to offer empathy and understanding. By working through these issues, partners can create a safe space for healing and growth, deepening their connection and strengthening their bond.
How does a partner's misunderstanding of trauma symptoms lead to misinterpretations of sexual withdrawal, frustration, or emotional disconnection in the relationship?
Misunderstandings about trauma symptoms can lead to a partner's failure to recognize that their loved one is struggling with emotional or physical difficulties caused by past experiences. This lack of understanding can cause the partner to perceive the victim as being emotionally distant or uninterested in the relationship, leading to feelings of rejection and distrust.