How can I understand my sexual desires?
First of all, it's important to know that everyone is different. Your desires are unique to you and there's no right or wrong way to have them. However, there are some basic psychological theories about how human sexuality works that could help you make sense of your own experience. Let's take a look at those now!
Freudian theory
Sigmund Freud was one of the most influential thinkers in the field of psychology, and his ideas about sexual desire still hold up today. According to him, humans have three parts: id, ego, and superego. The id represents our instinctive urges, while the ego tries to control them. And the superego tells us what society expects from us morally. When it comes to sex, Freud believed that we all have a "pleasure principle" - which means that we want pleasure and avoid pain. So when something feels good, we seek more of it. This can be seen as a fundamental motivator for many people's sexual desires.
Evolutionary theory
Another popular theory is evolutionary psychology. It looks at human behavior through an evolutionary lens - meaning it asks how certain traits might have helped us survive and reproduce back in the day. In terms of sex, this theory suggests that we're attracted to partners who have qualities that would make them good parents (like healthy genes) because that increases our chances of passing on our own genes. There may also be other factors involved, like the need for variety or novelty.
Social learning theory
This approach looks at how we learn about sex through observation and imitation. For example, if we see a lot of erotic content online, it might influence our own desires. We might start to seek out similar experiences ourselves, without even realizing it. Social media has certainly made it easier than ever to find pornography, so this could definitely play a role in shaping some people's desires.
Finally, there's attachment theory. Attachment refers to the bonds between two people - either romantically or platonically. According to this theory, our earliest relationships with caregivers shape our adult relationships later on. If we had close bonds growing up, we may be more likely to seek out intimacy in adulthood. And if those bonds were weak or unstable, we might struggle with intimacy later on. All these theories shed light on why people have different desires, but ultimately, it comes down to what feels right for you. Remember: there's no one right way to experience sexuality!
In conclusion, understanding your sexual desires can be complex, but it doesn't have to be difficult. By considering psychological theories like Freudian, evolutionary, social learning, and attachment, you can gain insight into your unique needs and preferences. Don't forget that everyone is different though, and what works for one person might not work for another. So keep exploring until you find what feels good for YOU!