Sexual shaming is a form of social conditioning that instills feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation around one's sexual desires, practices, and experiences. It can be transmitted through various means including family members, friends, peers, teachers, schools, media, culture, and religion. Religious teachings play an important role in the process of sexual shaming, especially within certain faith groups.
Some religions emphasize abstinence until marriage, condemn homosexuality, prohibit masturbation, and frown upon premarital sex. These teachings may result in a feeling of shame towards one's own sexual desires and activities, which can lead to negative cognitive and relational consequences such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, isolation, secrecy, and fear. In this article, I will discuss the effects of internalizing sexual shame from religious teachings on one's cognition and relationships.
Internalized shame can manifest in several ways. First, it can cause confusion about sexuality. When individuals are told that their natural urges are wrong or sinful, they may feel ashamed for having them in the first place. This can lead to confusion about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, making it difficult to navigate relationships and intimacy. Second, it can lead to self-doubt and self-loathing. Individuals may doubt their worthiness and ability to find pleasure in sexual encounters due to the belief that they are inherently flawed. They may also experience feelings of guilt and regret after engaging in sexual activity. Third, it can affect communication with others. When individuals are taught that their thoughts and actions are wrong, they may hesitate to share them with others, leading to isolation and secrecy. Fourth, it can lead to distrust and avoidance of relationships. Individuals who have been shamed about their sexuality may be less likely to trust others and seek out romantic or sexual partners, limiting opportunities for connection and intimacy.
In addition to these cognitive consequences, internalized sexual shame can negatively impact interpersonal relationships.
Individuals may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when initiating conversations around sex, leading to awkwardness and avoidance. They may struggle with expressing their needs and desires, which can create tension and frustration within a relationship. They may also feel isolated from others who do not share their religious values and practices, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Internalizing sexual shame can damage one's sense of belonging and acceptance, both within their community and beyond.
It is important to recognize that sexual shame is not always conscious or intentional. It often stems from deeply held cultural and religious beliefs that may be difficult to challenge.
Recognizing its effects on cognition and relationships can help individuals navigate this complex issue. Seeking professional support, seeking alternative spiritual perspectives, and practicing self-compassion can all be helpful strategies for overcoming the harmful effects of internalized sexual shame. By acknowledging the negative consequences of this form of social conditioning, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting society where everyone feels comfortable exploring their sexuality without fear or judgment.
What are the cognitive and relational consequences of internalizing sexual shame from religious teachings?
Internalized sexual shame is a significant consequence of adherence to religious teachings that stigmatize sex outside of marriage, particularly for individuals who experience dissonance between their sexual desires and their faith-based beliefs. This can lead to negative mental health outcomes such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty forming intimate relationships with others (Bell & Hall, 2015).