Some individuals identify as demisexual — feeling sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond. This identity was first coined around 2010 to describe people who experience little or no sexual attraction until they have formed an emotional connection with someone. Demisexuality is neither a choice nor a preference; it's how a person feels naturally. While some may find it strange or uncommon, this label has become increasingly popular among young adults today. In this article, we will explore what demisexual means, its causes, how it differs from asexuality, and how one can navigate dating as a demisexual.
What does demisexual mean?
Demisexuality refers to being attracted to another person only when there is a strong emotional connection, such as friendship or trust. It's about waiting for that spark to happen before developing romantic feelings. For example, someone might feel physical attraction towards a friend but not until they establish a deep bond. While most people experience sexual attraction at first sight, demisexuals do not. They need time and intimacy to form a deep bond with someone before experiencing sexual desire. Some even avoid sex altogether unless in a committed relationship. Demisexuality falls under the larger umbrella of asexuality, which includes a range of experiences beyond just lacking sexual attraction.
How common is demisexuality?
The exact prevalence of demisexuality is unknown since it is still relatively new. However, estimates suggest that up to 3% of the population identifies as demisexual. Research suggests that many demisexuals identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or queer — meaning they are attracted to multiple genders. But some choose to remain single rather than date outside their preferred gender due to the pressure to conform to societal norms around romance and relationships. Despite this, demisexuals have found support online through communities like AVEN (Asexual Visibility & Education Network) and Demisexuality.org.
Causes of demisexuality
Although the cause of demisexuality is unclear, studies link it to biological factors, trauma, and personal experiences. Genetic variation may play a role in how individuals perceive sexual attraction; researchers hypothesize that genes affect brain regions involved in processing emotional connections. Trauma may also impact sexual development by altering hormone levels and neurotransmitter activity, leading to changes in sexual behavior. Personal experiences can shape how one views intimacy; for example, if someone has been betrayed or hurt in previous relationships, they may be hesitant to form strong bonds quickly again.
Differences between demisexuality and asexuality
While both terms relate to lacking sexual attraction, there are key differences between them. Asexuality is not feeling any sexual attraction towards anyone, while demisexuality is only experiencing sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond. Additionally, asexuals experience little to no desire for sex or physical touch, whereas demisexuals may still enjoy physical contact within a committed relationship. Finally, asexuals may feel disconnected from society's emphasis on sex, which demisexuals do not necessarily share since they prioritize emotional connection over physical pleasure.
Navigating dating as a demisexual
Dating as a demisexual can be challenging, but with patience and communication, it's possible. Demisexuals should look for partners who understand their needs and preferences regarding intimacy. They might choose to date friends first before moving into romance to build trust and intimacy. It's essential to communicate expectations openly, such as the importance of emotional connection over physical closeness. With time and effort, demisexuals can find fulfilling relationships that meet their unique needs.
In conclusion, demisexuality is a valid identity characterized by delayed sexual attraction due to emotional connection. While it's relatively new and uncommon, many people identify as demisexual worldwide. The causes remain unknown, although genetic variation, trauma, and personal experiences may play roles. Unlike asexuals, demisexuals can still enjoy physical touch in committed relationships and view intimacy positively. By finding support and navigating dating carefully, demisexuals can form meaningful connections without compromising their values.