Military life is inherently challenging for spouses. Aside from being away from each other for extended periods of time and having to deal with deployment stressors, many soldiers also face traumatic experiences that can impact their mental health. This can include PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse issues, or suicidal ideation. These conditions can have far-reaching consequences that extend into the couple's intimate relationship. Research shows that military couples often struggle with sexual desire and satisfaction due to these factors.
It is possible for them to work through this challenge with dedication and support. Here are some strategies for navigating relational tension when trauma affects sexual desire, emotional availability, or attachment security.
1) Communication is key: It is essential to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable discussing difficult topics openly. Military couples should be honest about how they are feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally. They must talk about what is going on in their lives and share their needs and desires.
2) Seek professional help: Couples who are struggling with trauma-related issues may benefit from therapy. A trained therapist can provide guidance and support as they work through these challenges together. They will learn new communication skills and coping mechanisms to manage their feelings better. In addition, couples counseling can help military families address specific problems in their relationship that may be related to the trauma.
3) Make time for self-care: Stress, trauma, and depression can take a toll on anyone, but when one partner is dealing with those things, it can make everyday life even more challenging. The non-traumatized partner needs to take care of themselves so they do not burn out trying to support the other person. This includes getting adequate rest, exercise, nutrition, social interaction, and stress relief activities like meditation or yoga.
4) Practice patience and understanding: Both partners need to understand that everyone processes trauma differently and at different speeds. Patience is necessary when working through this issue because it takes time for healing. One partner may also feel like they have more control over their emotions than another partner does. Neither party is responsible for fixing the other; instead, they should focus on supporting each other's healing process.
5) Focus on intimacy outside the bedroom: If sexual desire has been affected by trauma, military couples can still find ways to connect emotionally without sex. Spending quality time together doing something fun or relaxing, such as going to a movie or cooking dinner, can be just as satisfying. Holding hands, cuddling, or simply talking about how you are feeling can also provide intimacy and comfort.
6) Be intentional with physical contact: While physical touch may seem uncomfortable due to trauma, holding hands, hugging, or kissing can be an important part of reconnecting with your partner. It is essential to practice gentle touch to build trust and safety in the relationship again.
7) Seek professional help if needed: Sometimes, therapy is the best option for helping military couples navigate relational tension due to trauma-related issues. A trained therapist can offer tools and guidance that couples cannot access alone. They will work closely with them to develop new skills and strategies for coping with the effects of trauma in their lives.
8) Create a safe space: The non-traumatized partner must create a safe environment where their spouse feels comfortable opening up about what they are experiencing. This includes listening without judgment and offering support without demanding anything specific from them.
9) Consider medication: Some couples may benefit from taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications to manage symptoms related to trauma. These drugs should only be taken under the guidance of a doctor because side effects can include sexual dysfunction or mood changes.
These medications can improve overall mental health, which can positively impact intimacy in the long run.
10) Get creative: When working through trauma, couples may need to get creative in finding ways to connect sexually or emotionally.
Trying different positions during sex, roleplaying scenarios outside the bedroom, or creating rituals around physical contact can help rebuild emotional intimacy. Military couples must explore all options before giving up on each other or themselves too quickly.
How do military couples navigate relational tension when trauma affects sexual desire, emotional availability, or attachment security?
Military couples face unique challenges that can impact their relationship dynamics, including changes in communication patterns, financial stressors, and physical separation due to deployments. These factors can contribute to increased levels of conflict and tension between partners, particularly related to issues around sexual intimacy, emotional vulnerability, and trust. Research has shown that traumatic experiences such as combat exposure can lead to difficulties with these areas of a relationship (Breslau et al.