When a couple experiences a shared traumatic event that affects both partners' mental health, it can have a profound impact on their relationship. One partner may experience symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and changes in behavior, which can alter their emotional baseline and how they interact with others. These symptoms can make it difficult for them to maintain normal levels of closeness, intimacy, and communication with their partner, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection. The effects of this trauma can also cause one partner to feel like they are no longer part of the same couple, as their identity and sense of self change dramatically. This can create tension and conflict between the couple, straining their relationship further.
Couples who work through these challenges together, seeking support from family members, friends, or professional help, can find ways to reconnect emotionally and preserve their bond.
Impact on Intimacy and Closeness
The sudden and unexpected nature of the trauma can leave both partners feeling shocked, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. This can lead to a lack of interest in sex, physical touch, and other forms of intimacy, causing one partner to withdraw from the relationship altogether. In addition, the traumatized partner may struggle with feeling safe enough to be close to another person, fearing that being intimate could trigger memories of the traumatic event. As a result, they may avoid physical contact and become more guarded around their partner.
Changes in Behavior
One partner's trauma can cause them to behave differently than before, such as becoming more agitated, easily angered, and less patient. This can create friction and tension in the relationship, making it harder for the couple to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts. The trauma survivor may also exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors, such as substance abuse, risky behavior, or excessive spending, which can add stress to an already fragile situation. These changes can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship, leading to distance and resentment.
Effects on Communication
Trauma can affect how couples communicate with each other, particularly if one partner is struggling to express themselves due to symptoms such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may become more reactive, shut down, or display signs of dissociation when discussing difficult topics, making it challenging for their partner to understand what they are experiencing. This can make it feel like the couple is speaking two different languages, further damaging their connection. It can take time and effort for both partners to learn new ways of communicating effectively, but with patience and practice, they can develop healthier patterns of communication that support their bond.
Seeking Help
Seeking help from professionals trained in treating trauma and PTSD can provide critical support for both partners. Couples counseling can offer a safe space to explore feelings, work through conflict, and build healthy communication skills. Individual therapy can assist the trauma survivor in processing their experiences and developing coping mechanisms to manage their symptoms. By seeking outside assistance, the couple can gain new tools and insights into how to navigate their changed emotional landscape together, strengthening their bond and improving their relationship overall.
What happens to a couple's shared identity when one partner's trauma fundamentally alters their emotional baseline?
The shared identity of a couple may be impacted when one partner experiences trauma that changes their emotional baseline, as this can create distance between partners who may not fully understand each other's new state. The partner who has experienced trauma may feel disconnected from their partner emotionally, leading to difficulty expressing themselves or engaging with them sexually or intimately.