The concept of belonging is central to human life because it provides people with a sense of social connection, identity, and purpose.
Individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, or asexual/aromantic (LGBTQIA+) may face challenges in finding belonging within either their religious communities or their LGBTQIA+ communities due to stigma, discrimination, marginalization, and exclusion. This can be especially difficult for those who are also spiritual seekers or hold belief systems that emphasize heteronormativity, cisnormativity, monogamy, patriarchy, or sexual purity.
Belonging in Religious Spaces
In religious spaces, there has been historical resistance towards the inclusion of LGBTQIA+ identities. Many religions have strict doctrines against same-sex relationships, gender nonconformity, or sexual expression outside of heterosexual marriage. As such, many LGBTQIA+ believers feel ostracized from their faith communities and may experience painful rejection or even violence. Despite this, some individuals still seek out religious groups that affirm LGBTQIA+ identities and provide supportive environments where they can practice their beliefs openly. These groups often offer social events, educational resources, mentorship programs, counseling services, and opportunities for activism around LGBTQIA+ rights.
Even when these groups exist, LGBTQIA+ believers may still struggle with feelings of isolation due to cultural norms that dictate how one should behave and present themselves based on their assigned sex at birth. They may feel pressured to hide their true selves or conform to heterosexual or gender binary expectations in order to maintain a sense of belonging within their communities.
If they choose to come out as LGBTQIA+, they may face judgement, shaming, or exclusion from other members. This can create tension between their spiritual and LGBTQIA+ identities, leading to internalized shame, guilt, and self-doubt.
Belonging in LGBTQIA+ Spaces
In LGBTQIA+ spaces, there is also often a disconnect between those who identify as queer and trans and those who do not. While the movement has historically centered cisgender gays and lesbians, it has been criticized for its lack of inclusion of intersex, bisexual, aromantic, and asexual people. This can lead to marginalization and erasure, making it difficult for those outside of traditional understandings of queerness to find acceptance and community. Even within non-cisgender circles, there can be pressure to conform to certain gender expressions or sexual behaviors, which can further alienate individuals who are not comfortable or able to embrace these ideals.
Even when LGBTQIA+ spaces exist, they may not always provide the support and affirmation that believers need. Some religious LGBTQIA+ individuals may seek out secular groups that offer a safe space to explore their faith without fear of judgment or rejection. Others may turn to online communities, podcasts, or books for guidance on navigating their intersecting identities. Still, others may choose to stay closeted in order to maintain relationships with family, friends, or colleagues who have different beliefs or values.
Finding Balance and Acceptance
The challenge for LGBTQIA+ believers is finding balance between their spiritual and queer/trans identities. It requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion, as well as the willingness to engage in complex and nuanced conversations about identity, culture, and faith. It means acknowledging that belonging is not just about fitting into one specific group but rather creating spaces where all aspects of oneself are valued and celebrated. It also involves advocacy for change within both religious and LGBTQIA+ communities, so that everyone feels seen, heard, and supported. Through this process, we can work towards a world where no one has to choose between their soul and their body, between love and faith, or between family and friendship.
How do LGBT believers negotiate belonging when both religious and LGBT spaces reject them?
LGBT individuals who are also religious often experience feelings of rejection from both their faith communities and LGBTQ+ communities. This can be due to different beliefs about gender identity and sexuality that may not align with either community's standards. To navigate this complex situation, some LGBT believers may try to find common ground between these two communities by attending both types of events and participating in activities that bridge the gap.