Coherence Between Values and Behavior
Coherence refers to the alignment of beliefs and behaviors. It is the consistency between what an individual says they value and how they act. This can be challenging when it comes to romantic involvement. Romance introduces many potential conflicts between values and behavior because it involves emotions, desires, and physical actions.
Conflicts Between Values and Behavior
One common conflict is that some individuals may have conflicting values about sex. Some people hold conservative views on sexual morality while others have liberal views. In such cases, engaging in sexual activity might violate one's moral code but still align with another person's.
A religious person who believes sex should only occur within marriage may struggle to remain true to their values if dating someone who does not share those same beliefs. Similarly, someone who believes in monogamy might find themselves tempted to cheat on their partner despite holding firmly to their beliefs. These types of conflicts can lead to feelings of guilt or shame as individuals struggle to reconcile their beliefs with their behavior.
Pressures for Desire and Conformity
Another pressure that can arise from romantic involvement is external social norms. People may feel pressured to conform to cultural expectations regarding love, relationships, and intimacy even if their own personal values do not align.
Societal messages suggest that women should be submissive and men should be dominant during romantic encounters.
Some individuals may reject these gender roles and prefer alternative expressions of affection, which could cause them to experience internal tension. The desire for approval from peers can also create cross-pressures between values and behavior. An individual may want to please their partner by doing something they would not typically do.
Maintaining Coherence: Strategies for Individuals
There are several strategies individuals can use to maintain coherence between their values and behavior. One approach is to identify and clarify their core values before entering into any romantic relationship. This will help them better understand how they want to behave and what matters most to them. Another strategy is to communicate openly and honestly with partners about their desires, needs, and boundaries early on in the relationship.
Seeking support from friends, family members, or a therapist can provide an outside perspective and help individuals navigate any challenges they face.
How might romantic involvement introduce cross-pressures that challenge individuals' coherence between values and behavior?
Romantic relationships can be challenging for people's value systems because they often require compromise, sacrifice, and flexibility regarding personal preferences and beliefs. Individuals may find themselves facing contradictory demands from their partners and society at large when it comes to issues like career choices, spending habits, family obligations, religious practices, political views, social activities, lifestyle choices, etc.