The article presents an analysis of how the emotional experience of being desired influences relational attachment and long-term commitment. The purpose is to explore the effect of feelings of desire on the development and maintenance of romantic bonds. It discusses the biological, psychological, and cultural factors that may contribute to this phenomenon, highlighting the importance of self-esteem, trust, reciprocity, and communication in shaping these processes. The article also considers the potential impact of past experiences and individual differences, such as personality traits, life history, and social contexts, on the expression and perception of desire.
It concludes by reflecting on the implications for relationship education and interventions aimed at promoting healthy attachment and commitment.
Keywords: Attachment theory, relationship satisfaction, interpersonal communication, intimacy, intimate relationships.
Desire is a central aspect of human sexuality, affecting the initiation and progression of romantic relationships. Research has shown that individuals who feel desirable tend to form stronger attachments and invest more effort in maintaining their partnerships than those who do not (e.g., Aron et al., 2013; Feeney & Noller, 1996).
The mechanisms underlying this association remain unclear, as do its consequences for long-term relational outcomes. This article provides a comprehensive review of the literature on the emotional experience of being desired and its effects on relational attachment and commitment.
Biology and Psychology:
Several biological and psychological factors may underlie the relationship between desire and attachment/commitment. Firstly, dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward seeking, appears to play an important role. Higher levels of dopamine activation have been linked to greater feelings of desire and attraction toward others (Baumeister et al., 2010), which may drive individuals to seek out and pursue satisfying relationships (Aron et al., 2013). Secondly, oxytocin, often known as the 'love hormone', may enhance bond formation by promoting trust and empathy between partners (Domes et al., 2007). Thirdly, self-esteem and self-worth are related to how attractive individuals perceive themselves, which shapes their expectations about the responses they can elicit from others (Feeney & Noller, 1996).
Interpersonal communication plays a vital role in shaping these processes, as it allows partners to express their desires and needs openly and receive feedback and validation.
Social Factors:
Psychosocial context also influences the impact of desire on attachment and commitment. Cultural norms surrounding gender roles, sexuality, and marriage may shape individuals' perceptions of desire and expectations for intimacy (Goldberg & Prentice-Dunn, 1989; Katz & Hassan, 1988). Past experiences, such as traumatic events or previous relationships, may influence one's ability to trust and form secure attachments (Cupach & Spitzmueller, 2015). Personality factors, including neuroticism, extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness, have been linked to greater feelings of desire but may also predict relational dissatisfaction if not balanced with other traits (Baumeister et al., 2010). Lastly, life history variables like age and marital status may moderate the effects of desire on attachment/commitment (Aron et al., 2013), though this remains an understudied area.
The findings reviewed highlight the importance of understanding desire and its effects on relationship outcomes. Individuals who feel desired tend to invest more effort in maintaining their romantic partnerships, which may promote attachment and commitment over time.
There are several nuances that must be considered, including individual differences, cultural norms, past experiences, and social contexts. Relationship education and interventions can help couples navigate these complexities by promoting open communication, mutual respect, and positive self-esteem, while acknowledging the unique needs and desires of each partner.
How does the emotional experience of being desired influence relational attachment and long-term commitment?
A study conducted by Kramer et al. (2017) investigated the role of emotions in romantic relationships. The researchers found that feeling desired was associated with higher levels of attachment security, lower levels of conflict, and greater satisfaction in the relationship. This suggests that feeling desired can be an important factor in building and maintaining strong romantic bonds.