The idea that it's wrong to talk openly about what you want in bed is deeply ingrained in many cultures around the world, but especially in Western societies. This leads to women and men being ashamed for having desires that are deemed taboo. As such, they may struggle with communicating them to their partners and asking for exactly what they need. When this happens, there can be consequences for both parties involved in the relationship. The first one is a decrease in overall confidence when expressing desire, which further affects how people interact with each other.
If someone has internalized shame around talking about pleasure or wants, they might feel like they have something wrong with themselves or that they should hide their needs from others. This makes them less likely to speak up during sex or negotiate with their partner. They may also avoid intimate situations where consent isn't explicitly discussed, such as flirting or hookups.
This causes a disconnect between partners because neither knows what the other truly desires or feels comfortable bringing it up.
It also means that women often won't ask for things they need in order to reach climax, resulting in dissatisfaction during intercourse. Men can struggle to communicate exactly what turns them on without feeling embarrassed. The result is a lack of clarity and understanding between couples, leading to missed opportunities for mutual satisfaction.
If one person is afraid to initiate certain acts due to shame, it takes away power from their partner who could otherwise be enjoying themselves fully.
This can lead to resentment over time since both parties feel like they aren't getting enough out of the encounter. In extreme cases, it can cause serious damage to relationships by creating mistrust and anger towards each other. It can even make people think twice before engaging in sexual activity at all, reducing physical intimacy in their relationship and making it harder to connect emotionally. All these issues are directly related to internalized shame about expressing desire - something we need to address if we want healthy relationships based on respect and communication.
How does internalized shame about expressing desire affect confidence in establishing mutual consent?
Internalized shame about expressing desire can lead individuals to feel self-conscious or embarrassed when engaging in sexual activity with others, which can negatively impact their ability to communicate effectively about what they want and need from the experience. This can result in a lack of confidence in initiating or negotiating for shared desires and expectations, ultimately limiting the potential for mutual pleasure and satisfaction.