Military norms are deeply ingrained in every soldier's mind, from the moment they join the ranks until their retirement. One such norm is the need for stoicism and emotional restraint, which can interfere with a service member's ability to communicate their vulnerability within an intimate relationship. This is particularly challenging when it comes to returning home from deployment. When soldiers return from combat, they may experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, trauma, anger, rage, hypervigilance, aggression, substance abuse, isolation, difficulty bonding with family members and friends, suicidal thoughts, and even self-harm. These symptoms often lead to difficulties expressing themselves authentically within intimate relationships.
The military encourages its soldiers to suppress their feelings of pain, fear, and confusion during deployment, so that they don't become distracted or disturbed while serving their country. The same applies to their personal lives after leaving the military; soldiers are told to keep a stiff upper lip and bottle up any negative emotions they might have. It creates a culture where showing weakness is seen as shameful, and opening up about one's struggles is frowned upon. As a result, veterans may feel ashamed of admitting how much they struggle, leading them to avoid intimacy altogether.
The language used by the military reinforces this cultural norm. Terms like "suck it up" and "be strong" are commonly heard among troops who suffer from PTSD or other mental health issues. This only perpetuates the idea that vulnerability equals weakness, making it harder for veterans to speak honestly about what they're going through. Veterans also internalize these messages and believe that their experiences are not valid or worth discussing outside of the military setting. As a result, they may be hesitant to open up in civilian life, preventing them from forming genuine connections.
Veterans are also expected to maintain a certain level of professionalism at all times. They must appear tough and unemotional around their colleagues and superiors, even when dealing with stressors such as combat missions or traumatic events. This carries over into their relationships at home, creating an additional barrier between them and their loved ones. When veterans finally do share their feelings, they often find themselves feeling judged or misunderstood due to their lack of empathy.
Military norms that emphasize stoicism and restraint can interfere with veterans' ability to authentically communicate their vulnerabilities within intimate relationships after returning from deployment. To overcome this challenge, both soldiers and civilians must work together to create a culture where seeking help is seen as strength rather than weakness. Soldiers should be encouraged to express their emotions freely without fear of judgment, while loved ones need to learn how to listen actively and offer support without imposing their own solutions. By doing so, we can ensure that our veterans receive the care and understanding they deserve.