Soldiers have to navigate their own feelings about war while also dealing with the unique emotional needs of their loved ones back home. This can be particularly challenging for couples who are trying to maintain their relationship while one partner is deployed. When military personnel return from combat, they often experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can manifest itself in various ways. Some common symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, depression, irritability, aggression, social withdrawal, and substance abuse. These symptoms can make it difficult for soldiers to reintegrate into civilian life and to connect with loved ones.
Military spouses may feel isolated and alone during deployment because they don't know how their soldier feels or what he/she is going through. They may worry constantly about his/her safety or wonder if he/she will ever come back. They may feel guilty about feeling happy when their partner returns safely but miss him/her intensely. Military parents may struggle with guilt because they can't protect their children from the dangers of war. All of these experiences shape each person's individual emotions, making it harder to align with a partner.
Soldiers need to understand that their partners will react differently to their experiences than they do. It's important not to assume that just because you didn't like something doesn't mean your partner won't either. Communication is key. Be open and honest about your feelings, even if they're hard to talk about. Don't try to force your partner into sharing his/her thoughts or feelings before he/she is ready. Let him/her take the lead on this.
Ask questions about your partner's experiences and listen carefully to the answers. Try to put yourself in his/her shoes and understand why he/she might have had a different reaction than you did. Remember that everyone copes with stressful situations differently, so don't judge your partner for his/her responses. Just because he/she didn't respond the way you expected doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him/her. If you're having trouble connecting emotionally, seek professional help together. A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you work through any issues that are getting in the way of your relationship.
Remember that relationships take work no matter what. Even when things are going well, both partners need to make an effort to stay connected and supportive. Relationships thrive on communication, trust, respect, and love, but they also require compromise and understanding. If you're willing to put in the effort, your relationship can weather almost anything.
How do soldiers negotiate relational alignment when partners' emotional responses are shaped by independent experiences?
Soldiers often face difficulties in establishing relational alignment with their partners due to their unique experiences during military service. While some may have witnessed traumatic events that impact their emotions, others might experience stressful situations that affect their mental health. These differences in emotional responses can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between partners, making it challenging for them to build strong relationships.