Soldiers' experiences with combat can lead to significant changes in their emotional lives. They may experience feelings of isolation from family and friends while deployed, which can make it difficult to sustain healthy romantic and platonic relationships after returning home. To cope with these challenges, many soldiers develop avoidance strategies that prevent them from feeling vulnerable and open up about their struggles.
These strategies also limit their ability to form meaningful connections with others. This article will explore how soldiers reconcile relational longing with avoidance strategies developed for survival.
One common avoidance strategy is detachment, whereby soldiers distance themselves emotionally from those around them to reduce the risk of getting hurt.
They might withdraw into their own world, avoid social situations, or suppress their emotions. While this can be helpful in dangerous situations, it can damage intimacy when used too frequently. Soldiers who have been through traumatic experiences may find it challenging to trust others enough to share their inner thoughts and feelings. In addition, they may feel anxious or guilty when asked to commit to another person, fearing that they cannot provide the support needed.
Another approach is compartmentalization, where soldiers separate their military life from their personal life by creating boundaries between the two spheres. This involves keeping secrets, making excuses, or pretending to be someone else to avoid acknowledging the tension between the two worlds. Compartmentalizing allows soldiers to maintain a sense of control over their emotions but makes it harder to build trusting relationships outside of combat. It can also lead to guilt, shame, and dissociation, which can further damage intimacy.
A third strategy is rationalization, where soldiers justify their behavior and emotions as necessary for survival. They may believe that sacrificing romantic connections for military duty is justified or that the stress of combat prevents them from connecting deeply with anyone.
This viewpoint can prevent them from recognizing their true needs and desires, leading to dissatisfaction and resentment.
To reconcile relational longing with avoidance strategies, soldiers must learn to recognize and manage their reactions to stressful events. Counselors and therapists can help them identify and challenge unhealthy beliefs about love and intimacy, such as the idea that closeness requires complete vulnerability or that intimacy leads to weakness. They can also teach coping skills like mindfulness, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness to manage difficult emotions without withdrawing or shutting down. In addition, soldiers can practice open communication with loved ones, allowing themselves to express their fears and concerns in a safe environment.
Balancing relational longing and avoidance strategies can be challenging, but it is possible with effort and support. By recognizing the effects of trauma on their emotional lives, soldiers can work toward building more meaningful and fulfilling relationships after returning home.
How do soldiers reconcile relational longing with avoidance strategies developed for survival?
The most common way of dealing with relational longing among soldiers is through the development of avoidance strategies that are aimed at protecting themselves from the pain and heartache associated with having close relationships while they serve their country.