Media is everywhere around us. It can be very influential for many reasons. It helps shape attitudes and beliefs about what's right and wrong, good and bad, realistic and unrealistic. We see it every day, whether we like it or not. It's on TV, social media, advertising, music videos, movies, magazines, books, games. There are so many ways that media impacts us that we don't even realize. One way is through its influence on sexuality. Media often creates an expectation for how people should look and behave sexually. This isn't just men who need to have certain body types, but also women. And this isn't just physical appearance either. The media presents ideas about how much sex partners should have, when they should do it, where they should do it, why they should do it, etc. These expectations can create dissonance between lived experience and reality. So let's explore the issue in more detail.
Sexuality is a complicated thing. It's more than just the act of having sex. It involves emotions, desires, fantasies, thoughts, feelings, intimacy, and relationships. Sexual attraction, arousal, desire, and satisfaction are all different things as well. They change with age, health, culture, relationship status, religion, and personal preferences. Everyone has their own unique experiences with sex. But the media presents a narrow view of sexuality that doesn't take these differences into account.
Pornography shows only one type of woman - young, white, thin, blonde, big breasts, no pubic hair, and usually naked. Men are strong, muscular, tall, rich, smart, funny, and good-looking. This presents unrealistic expectations because most people aren't like that. Not everyone looks or acts like those stereotypes. Plus, porn doesn't show real sex anyway - it's not natural or normal. Real sex is messy and awkward sometimes. People fart, make noises, get sweaty, move weirdly. It's not perfect like on TV!
Media also creates an expectation for how often people should be having sex. Movies, songs, books, social media posts show couples who are always together, touching each other constantly, flirting nonstop. This isn't true either. Some people have busy lives and don't have much time for sex. Others are single, shy, or in relationships where they don't feel comfortable initiating sex. Different cultures have different norms around sex too. In some countries, it's considered rude to talk about it openly. In others, there are strict rules about when and where you can do it. So this pressure from media to have constant, passionate sex creates tension between reality and idealism.
Another issue is what types of sex partners the media presents as desirable. Women are supposed to be submissive and men dominant. But that's not true either. Many women enjoy being in control during sex and many men prefer being submissive. There are plenty of ways to have consensual, pleasurable sex without following these rigid gender roles. Also, the media often presents a narrow view of body types as attractive. Thin bodies, big breasts, small waists, no cellulite, clear skin, no wrinkles. These aren't achievable standards, but they create anxiety around appearance anyway. And it makes people think their partner will leave them if they gain weight or look less "perfect." Of course, none of those things matter except what two people want to do in bed.
Social media also plays into sexual expectations. People post pictures, videos, stories about how amazing their sex life is. They show off their best moments with filters, angles, poses, lighting, editing. It creates an illusion of perfection that isn't realistic. Real-life couples might not always be so happy together. Some relationships struggle with communication, trust, commitment issues, infidelity, etc., which could affect their sex lives too. Social media doesn't show that side of things because it wants to keep us hooked on its content.
The media can also influence our understanding of sex itself. Movies, TV shows, books make certain acts seem appealing or exciting when they may not actually be.
50 Shades of Grey glamorizes BDSM (bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism) as something everyone should try - even if they don't know anything about it. This creates unrealistic expectations and risks for both partners who may not be ready or able to handle such intense experiences. So the media needs to present a more nuanced view of sex, showing all its aspects, not just the sexy ones.
Media-driven sexual expectation can cause dissonance between lived experience and reality. We need to be aware of this issue and question the messages we receive from TV, movies, social media, music, magazines, advertising, etc. We also need to be open-minded and accepting of different types of people, body shapes, desires, preferences. Sexuality is personal and unique, so let's celebrate that instead of trying to conform to stereotypes!
Does media-driven sexual expectation create dissonance with lived experience?
The influence of mass media on people's perceptions and expectations regarding sex has been widely studied and discussed by researchers. It is important to acknowledge that social media platforms such as Instagram and TikTok have played an increasingly significant role in shaping how we perceive sex and intimacy.