In everyday language, time is used to describe something that moves forward without stopping. We often talk about time as if it were linear and unidirectional.
Some people experience their lives in nonlinear ways.
Someone who has survived cancer may look back and see their past as repeating itself; for them, life seems to loop back in cycles. Someone who has had children late in life may have lived many years without reproducing, then skipped ahead into parenthood; for them, life feels like a series of jumps forward and backward. Another person may find themselves pausing in one place for months or even years, unable to move forward or backward, before restarting their path. Negotiating these nonlinear patterns can be difficult but also provides a unique opportunity for insight into queer wisdom about living.
Queer Wisdom About Living
One way to approach negotiating nonlinear time is by reflecting on its relationship to gender identity, sexuality, and intimacy. When life repeats itself, this can cause feelings of déjà vu, which are associated with trauma and discomfort. This is especially true when those experiences involve negative outcomes such as illness or abuse.
It can also lead to deeper understanding of oneself and others—for example, recognizing how past relationships have shaped current behavior or recognizing patterns of thought or emotion across different contexts. It may also bring up questions about the role of fate or destiny in life's trajectory.
When life jumps forward or skips backwards, this can create a sense of feeling out of step with social norms or expectations. This might mean feeling disconnected from family or friends who are at different stages in their lives, or struggling to find community with people who share similar interests.
It can also lead to opportunities for creativity and innovation—for example, exploring new hobbies or careers that were previously unavailable due to age or circumstance. It may also require rethinking assumptions about what constitutes success or failure in life.
Pauses and restarts often occur in response to major life events like death or loss. In these moments, we must grapple with grief and uncertainty while trying to make meaningful decisions about our future. Negotiating these periods requires patience, self-awareness, and courage; there is no right answer for everyone.
They may provide an opportunity for reflection on values and priorities, allowing us to focus on what truly matters most. They may also force us to confront our own mortality and the impermanence of existence.
Queer Wisdom About Living
Nonlinear time can be particularly challenging when it comes to intimate relationships. For some, nonlinearity means navigating multiple partnerships or parenthood; others may experience difficulty with communication and commitment within one relationship. Nonlinear patterns may also affect sexuality, such as identifying as bisexual after several monogamous relationships. Navigating nonlinearity requires being open-minded, honest, and willing to listen without judgment. It may also involve experimentation with new forms of intimacy, such as polyamory or kink.
Negotiating nonlinear time requires us to think critically about our experiences and expectations. We must recognize that not all lives move forward in a straight line and allow ourselves room for growth and change. By exploring how nonlinearity relates to gender identity, sexuality, and intimacy, we can gain insights into queer wisdom about living—that is, the ability to embrace complexity, adapt to shifting circumstances, and cultivate authentic connections with ourselves and others.
How does one negotiate time when one's life path loops back, skips ahead, pauses and restarts—and how might that negotiation be a site of queer wisdom about living?
One's life path is often unpredictable and can loop back, skip ahead, pause and restart, which can make it challenging to navigate and plan for the future. Negotiating time during these periods requires flexibility and openness to change. Queer individuals may have unique insights into this process due to their experience with marginalization and social stigma, which can teach them important lessons about adaptability and resilience.