Gender is a social construct that refers to the cultural expectations placed on individuals based on their biological sex. It includes things like dressing in certain ways, speaking in specific tones, behaving in particular manners, and expressing emotions and desires according to societal norms. Sexual orientation is an individual's attraction toward another person's physical attributes such as their body shape, size, and genitals. It can be romantic, sensual, sexual, or purely platonic. Gender identity is a person's sense of self as male, female, nonbinary, or something else. This does not necessarily align with one's biological sex or gender expression. While they may feel comfortable presenting themselves in traditionally masculine or feminine ways, others may choose to reject these norms and present in more neutral or nonconforming ways. Some people conflate all three terms, thinking them interchangeable.
This is incorrect.
Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to, whereas gender identity is about how you identify yourself. You could be attracted to men but identify as a woman, or vice versa. Your sexuality has nothing to do with your gender identity. The two are separate concepts. Likewise, your sexual orientation does not determine your gender identity. People who identify as straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, etc., can also identify as cisgender (identifying with the same gender assigned at birth) or transgender (identifying differently). Similarly, some people may not have a defined sexual orientation but identify as transgender.
Another common mistake is conflating sexuality and eroticism. Sexuality refers to our desire for intimacy, while eroticism encompasses our desires for pleasure. Eroticism includes things like bondage, domination, submission, voyeurism, etc. These are often associated with sexuality, but they are not inherently related. You could be highly sexual but not interested in BDSM, or asexual but into kink. Sexuality and eroticism can exist without gender being involved.
Intimacy involves emotional closeness and connection with another person. It includes physical touch, communication, trust, and vulnerability. Intimate relationships do not necessarily involve sex or even romance. They can be platonic, familial, friendly, or professional. While there is overlap between these terms, they are distinct concepts.
Gender identity, sexual orientation, sexuality, eroticism, and intimacy are all complex topics that require nuanced understanding. Confusing them leads to misunderstanding, stigma, and discrimination. Let's work together to educate ourselves and others on these differences so we can create a more inclusive society where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
Why do some people conflate gender identity with sexual orientation?
The idea that transgender individuals have an inherently "ambiguous" gender identity is often based on outdated theories about sex and gender. In order to understand this phenomenon better, it's helpful to look at how society has historically viewed these concepts and how they are understood today.