Touch is an essential part of human experience, shaping our emotional and physical lives from infancy to adulthood.
When trauma occurs, such as sexual abuse, physical violence, or emotional neglect, it can alter how we perceive and respond to touch, leading to a fear of being touched and difficulty experiencing pleasure. This fear may be exacerbated by societal attitudes that discourage touching outside of romantic or sexual contexts. Fortunately, re-learning trust in touch can transform one's perception of safety and pleasure, allowing them to enjoy greater physical and emotional intimacy with others.
To begin this process, understanding what trust means regarding touch is vital. Trust involves accepting someone else's intentions towards you without fear or mistrust, including their desire for your body. It requires vulnerability, openness, and willingness to let go of control and expectations. Re-building trust begins with building awareness of touch, both through internal reflection and external exploration. This includes identifying negative thoughts and beliefs about touch, practicing self-care, and engaging in healthy relationships with those who are trustworthy.
With time and practice, re-learning trust in touch may involve working with a therapist, partner, or sensual coach to explore and overcome feelings of discomfort and anxiety. It may include experimentation with different types of touch, such as gentle massage, handholding, cuddling, kissing, or sex. Building trust often means letting go of the need for control and learning to receive rather than give or take. It also involves setting boundaries, communicating needs and preferences, and respecting consent.
As trust grows, so does pleasure. Physical touch is pleasurable because it stimulates our bodies' reward system, creating positive associations between touch and relaxation, pleasure, and connection. Pleasure can be experienced alone or with another person, but only when we feel safe enough to surrender to our senses and desires. As one learns to trust again, they may find themselves enjoying touch more deeply, experiencing greater intimacy and fulfillment in their lives.
How does re-learning trust in touch transform one's perception of safety and pleasure?
When we lose our ability to trust others through physical contact, it can be difficult to feel safe and experience pleasure. This is because touch has a significant role in how we perceive relationships with other people and ourselves. Re-learning trust in touch involves working on feelings of vulnerability and openness towards intimacy. It may involve seeking support from trusted individuals, exploring different forms of physical contact, and engaging in activities that promote body awareness.