Sexually submissive people are not necessarily submissive outside the bedroom — dominance preferences are context-dependent.
Context is crucial for understanding human behavior, including sexual submission.
When it comes to sexual submission, many people assume that those who enjoy being submissive during sex must be submissive in every aspect of their life. However, research shows that this assumption is false. According to Dr. Carol Queen, PhD, author of "The Sex & Pleasure Book," sexual submission can exist independently from general personality traits like shyness or passivity. She explains that many factors contribute to a person's desire for power exchange, including but not limited to psychological makeup, personal history, cultural norms, and socialization. These influences may vary depending on the situation, making generalizations about dominant vs. submissive individuals inaccurate.
For example, a woman who likes being spanked during play might feel empowered at work or in her social life. This discrepancy between private and public personas highlights how sexual submission is often situational. Similarly, a man who enjoys being tied up during roleplaying scenarios could still maintain control in other areas of his life. These examples demonstrate that sexual domination isn't always related to personality type but rather specific circumstances.
Queen also notes that some individuals may seek out dominant/submissive relationships with partners who embody different roles inside and outside the bedroom. For instance, one partner may prefer to take charge in the bedroom while another is more assertive outside it. This arrangement allows both parties to explore their desires safely without compromising their identity or self-esteem. It's important to remember that dominance doesn't necessarily mean aggression or hierarchy; instead, it refers to an individual's capacity for taking initiative and exerting influence over others.
Ultimately, understanding the nuances behind sexual submission requires contextual awareness—not just binary labels based on gender stereotypes or assumptions about personality traits. By appreciating these complexities, we can create safe spaces where everyone feels comfortable expressing themselves sexually without judgement or stigma.