Sexual secretiveness can lead to various forms of distress within romantic relationships. These effects depend on how well partners communicate about their hidden desires, preferences, fantasies, interests, or behaviors. Sexual secrets may include past infidelities, pornography viewing, fetishes, kinks, roleplay, or unconventional practices. Secrecy around these topics can create mistrust, distrust, jealousy, suspicion, fear, resentment, anxiety, anger, and distance between partners. Hidden acts can be perceived as betrayal and dishonesty, making couples feel lied to, deceived, abandoned, disrespected, unloved, or misunderstood. Secretive behavior undermines trustworthiness and honesty, which are necessary for intimate connections. Concealing sexual activity is linked to poorer relationship satisfaction, less mutual respect, higher partner aggression, and greater dissatisfaction. Partners who experience this type of concealment report lower levels of emotional attachment and affection. They struggle to connect emotionally and physically due to reduced feelings of trust, safety, comfort, commitment, belonging, loyalty, closeness, commitment, passion, desire, love, and attraction. Some studies suggest that sexual secrecy may increase the likelihood of relationship termination.
Other research indicates that openness and honesty about sexually taboo subjects may foster better communication, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, appreciation, and support. The decision to share sexual information depends on various factors such as relationship length, level of intimacy, degree of mutual acceptance and respect, personal beliefs, societal norms, and cultural values. Openness is associated with increased arousal, sexual gratification, pleasure, excitement, exploration, adventure, novelty, confidence, and self-esteem. It allows couples to talk honestly about their wants, needs, fantasies, preferences, behaviors, intentions, boundaries, desires, limits, expectations, fears, frustrations, reservations, disappointments, regrets, concerns, shame, guilt, inadequacy, confusion, anxiety, and vulnerability. Thus, it can promote transparency, accountability, honesty, authenticity, closeness, intimacy, collaboration, cooperation, compromise, reciprocity, satisfaction, security, compatibility, harmony, connection, devotion, dedication, passion, and enthusiasm.
Can sexual secrecy or concealment trigger relational strain, mistrust, or emotional distance?
The concept of "secrets" has been studied extensively in interpersonal communication research. Secrets can be divided into two categories based on whether they are voluntary (i. e. , kept from others due to personal choice) or involuntary (i. e. , kept from others for reasons beyond one's control). Studies have found that both types of secrets can cause problems in relationships if not managed appropriately.