The psychological impact of warfare is well documented. It can leave service members feeling isolated, anxious, depressed, and numb to their own emotions. This phenomenon, known as "emotional desensitization", is often attributed to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other mental health issues associated with combat exposure.
There are also instances where veterans report an unexpected craving for human connection after returning from deployment - something they hadn't experienced before going to war. These feelings can be intense enough that they influence the soldiers' decision making process when it comes to forming new relationships with civilians upon returning home.
I will explore how these conflicting needs shape soldiers' relationships and how those relationships may change over time. I will argue that this tension between emotional numbness and sudden intense need for closeness contributes significantly to soldiers' struggles with reintegrating into civilian life.
I will suggest some ways that veterans can manage these challenges in order to build healthy romantic connections once again.
Emotional Numbness
Before examining why this tension exists, let's understand what causes emotional numbness among service members. One common cause is PTSD, which affects roughly one in five returning veterans according to studies. Those who develop PTSD may experience a range of symptoms including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, panic attacks, hypervigilance, and isolation. They may find themselves constantly on edge or having trouble sleeping due to heightened arousal. Their relationships with others may suffer as a result.
Another factor contributing to emotional numbness among soldiers is the nature of their work itself. The military requires them to kill, destroy property, and do things that most people would never consider ethical or moral. This can lead to guilt, shame, and dissociation from one's own actions. It can also make it difficult for soldiers to connect emotionally with those outside their unit because they have seen so much death and destruction firsthand.
Some soldiers may simply become accustomed to suppressing their feelings while serving, believing that showing vulnerability could put their mission at risk or endanger their comrades. This leads to an overall sense of detachment from their own emotions, both positive and negative. It becomes easier for soldiers to ignore painful memories when they don't acknowledge them consciously. In fact, many troops even describe feeling nothing after experiencing traumatic events during war - a phenomenon known as "emotional blunting".
Sudden Need for Closeness
There are instances where service members report an urgent need for closeness upon returning home. Some might feel incredibly lonely despite being surrounded by family and friends, craving physical touch or intimacy more than ever before. Others may be prone to impulsive behavior such as drinking heavily or engaging in risky sexual activity in order to fill this void. Still, others may find themselves drawn towards relationships with civilians but struggle to maintain healthy boundaries due to their newfound desires.
The suddenness of these needs is particularly striking given the veteran's prior lack of interest in romantic partnerships.
It makes sense psychologically: if you experience something intense like combat (either through direct participation or witnessing), your brain will naturally seek out strong reactions in response. For many vets who were previously numb emotionally, this can manifest as an uncontrollable desire for connection with anyone available.
Shaping Relationships
These conflicting emotions can have profound effects on how soldiers form relationships with civilians post-deployment. Those who were once emotionally detached may suddenly find themselves yearning for deep connections, while those who sought refuge in substance abuse may become more reclusive. This shift in behavior can create tension within existing relationships or even prevent them from forming new ones altogether.
One study found that vets who experienced combat trauma often felt guilty about their relationships with loved ones back home - they didn't feel deserving of happiness after experiencing so much horror overseas. As a result, some chose not to pursue relationships at all until they felt ready again. Others tried to push away potential partners by being dismissive or even hostile towards them out of fear that they would be rejected like before.
Researchers believe that these changes can be long-lasting and affect marriages long after service members return home. Spouses may struggle to understand why their partner has changed so drastically and find it difficult to adjust to the "new normal". They might also feel hurt or betrayed when their spouse withdraws physically or emotionally without explanation. This lack of communication can lead to further isolation and disconnection between both parties.
Managing the Tension
While managing emotional desensitization is challenging, there are ways that veterans can cope with this tension to build healthy relationships once again:
1. Seek professional help: Talking therapy has been shown to help reduce symptoms associated with PTSD and other mental health issues related to warfare exposure. It provides an opportunity to process difficult memories safely and effectively while receiving support along the way.
2. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment - a skill that many vets have learned during deployment but can apply elsewhere in life as well. It allows individuals to observe their thoughts without reacting to them, which can help reduce stress levels and promote better decision making.
3. Find activities that bring joy: Engage in hobbies or interests that provide pleasure outside of romantic relationships. This could include anything from painting to gardening to volunteering for causes you care about. Doing so will remind you that there's more to life than just intimacy with others.
4. Connect with other veterans: Finding camaraderie among fellow service members who understand what you've gone through can be incredibly helpful. These individuals may offer advice
How does the tension between emotional numbness and sudden intense need for closeness shape soldiers' relationships?
While soldiers may feel emotionally disconnected from their loved ones during war, the intensity of combat can lead to an increased desire for intimacy and connection. This tension can impact relationships by creating a sense of confusion and anxiety about how to navigate emotions and express needs. It is important for both parties to communicate openly and honestly to work through these challenges together.