Researchers have found that people often experience an intense level of discomfort when confronted with their partner's unusual sexual requests. This may be due to various reasons such as cultural norms, personal values, past experiences, and emotional attachment. One study conducted by researchers from Oxford University examined how individuals process these types of requests and discovered that they undergo several cognitive processes before reaching a conclusion about whether to accept them. The findings suggest that there is a three-step process involved in this decision making; namely, activation, appraisal, and response.
Activation
Activation refers to the initial stage of processing where an individual becomes aware of the situation and its relevance. In the context of sexual requests, it involves recognizing the request and determining its nature.
If one partner asks another to try out a specific sex act for the first time, activation occurs when the other party realizes what has been asked and considers if they are comfortable or uncomfortable with trying something new.
Appraisal
The second step, appraisal, entails evaluating the request based on different factors. These include personal beliefs, societal norms, prior experiences, and emotional attachment.
If the request goes against one's religious or moral principles, it can lead to negative feelings like guilt, shame, and fear. Similarly, past traumatic events involving sexual assault or abuse may cause distress at the mere mention of similar acts. On the other hand, strong emotional bonds between partners can make them more willing to explore each other's fantasies without judgment.
Response
In the final stage, response, individuals consider their options and take action accordingly. Depending on their assessment of the request, they might either reject it outright or engage in negotiations to find a mutually satisfying solution. This could involve discussing alternative ways to satisfy both parties or seeking professional help to address underlying issues. It is also possible that individuals may accept the request and participate in the desired activity, provided they feel safe and comfortable doing so.
How individuals process discomfort triggered by unusual sexual requests depends on various cognitive and emotional factors. Understanding these processes can help couples communicate openly about their needs and preferences, avoid misunderstandings, and maintain healthy relationships.
How do individuals process discomfort triggered by a partner's unexpected or unfamiliar sexual request?
When individuals experience discomfort as a result of their partners' unexpected or unfamiliar sexual requests, they may engage in various cognitive and behavioral strategies to cope with this feeling. Cognitively, they may try to rationalize why their partner made such a request and what it means about them personally or the relationship. They may also compare themselves to other couples or fantasize about alternative scenarios that could have resulted in a different outcome.