Relational Ambivalence
Relationships are an essential part of human existence. From our earliest days, we form attachments to caregivers who provide for us, nurture us, and protect us from harm. These early relationships shape our views on love, trust, intimacy, and security. In adulthood, we seek out similar experiences through romantic partnerships, friendships, work colleagues, family members, and others.
When trauma disrupts these bonds - whether it be through physical violence, emotional abuse, betrayal, or loss - those secure feelings can quickly turn into confusion, fear, and doubt.
Ambivalence is a term used to describe the simultaneous presence of contradictory feelings towards something or someone; "love-hate" is an example. When applied to relationships, relational ambivalence means having conflicting attitudes toward one's partner(s) that may lead to avoidance or distancing behaviors. This can manifest as mixed feelings about commitment, jealousy, insecurity, anger, discontent, or even self-blame. It can be challenging for military personnel because they must navigate various interpersonal conflicts while serving their country abroad.
The military life is filled with stressors that make maintaining healthy relationships difficult. Long deployments away from home, constant relocation, shift changes, dangerous missions, and combat trauma all add up to create uncertainty around personal connection. Soldiers learn survival strategies like detachment, independence, perseverance, courage, and adaptability that help them succeed in war but can also hinder their ability to form meaningful connections back at home. At the same time, they develop strong attachments to their fellow soldiers who become surrogate families during times of crisis. These tensions can cause guilt, shame, confusion, and a sense of isolation if not managed effectively.
As we have seen, relational ambivalence among military personnel is complex and often driven by traumatic experiences. Trauma-driven attachment and survival strategies conflict with each other, creating inner turmoil and relationship difficulties. To manage these issues effectively, soldiers should seek professional support from qualified mental health professionals who specialize in PTSD treatment or couples therapy. With guidance and open communication, they can address underlying needs related to security, trust, intimacy, and commitment within their partnerships.
Resolving relational ambivalence requires a willingness to work through past traumas and embrace new ways of connecting with others.
How do soldiers manage relational ambivalence when trauma-driven attachment and survival strategies conflict?
Relational ambivalence is an emotionally challenging experience for soldiers where they may simultaneously feel positive and negative feelings towards their loved ones. This can be due to various factors such as experiencing PTSD symptoms or engaging in behaviors that help them cope with stressful situations during deployment but cause tension at home. Soldiers may also feel conflicted between loyalty to their family and devotion to their military duties.