An individual's personal values are their beliefs and principles about what is right and wrong, good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable. Sexual encounters can involve various actions, such as kissing, touching, intercourse, and more. Individuals may have different interpretations of these behaviors based on their cultural background, upbringing, religion, social norms, and experiences.
When an encounter contradicts their personal values, they must make sense of it to avoid feeling guilty, ashamed, confused, or conflicted. This process involves several steps that require critical thinking, introspection, reflection, and rationalization.
Recognize the Contradiction
The individual recognizes that their behavior or the partner's behavior does not align with their personal beliefs and values. They might feel discomfort, anxiety, regret, embarrassment, guilt, shame, or confusion. They question themselves, wondering if they made the right decision or whether they compromised their morals.
A religious person who believes in abstinence before marriage might engage in premarital sex despite their convictions, leading to cognitive dissonance.
Justify the Encounter
To reduce the cognitive dissonance, individuals often justify their behavior by finding reasons to support it. They might argue that the situation was unique, unusual, or necessary due to peer pressure, loneliness, stress, boredom, curiosity, excitement, or physical attraction. Some people try to rationalize their behavior by blaming external factors such as alcohol, drugs, or mental health issues. Others minimize their actions, claiming that they didn't cross any moral lines or weren't serious about it.
Reframe the Event
Individuals can reinterpret the event positively by changing its meaning and context. They may view it as a one-time mistake, an exploration of their sexuality, a learning experience, or a way to experiment without commitment. They might compare it to similar experiences they have had in the past and conclude that this was just another encounter, nothing special or significant. This allows them to downplay the importance of the action and avoid feeling guilty or ashamed.
Convince Themselves
Some individuals use logical arguments to persuade themselves that their personal values are flexible and subjective, allowing for occasional exceptions. They might reason that everyone has different standards and that their views on sex are outdated or narrow-minded. They could also point out instances where others violated their beliefs and got away with it without suffering consequences.
Individuals must process encounters that contradict their personal values by recognizing the contradiction, justifying their behavior, reframing the event, and convincing themselves of their flexibility. These steps help them cope with cognitive dissonance and maintain self-esteem while avoiding guilt, shame, and regret.
How do individuals make sense of sexual encounters that contradict their personal values?
Making sense of sexual encounters that contradict one's personal values can be challenging for individuals as it involves reconciling conflicting thoughts and feelings. While some individuals may feel guilt or shame for engaging in behaviors they believe go against their moral code, others may view these experiences as necessary or even enjoyable. This can lead to cognitive dissonance, where an individual holds two conflicting beliefs or ideas simultaneously.