Sexual initiation is an important part of any romantic relationship, but it has been largely overlooked in academic literature. Most research on sexual initiation focuses on women's experiences and how they feel about it, while there is relatively little data available regarding male perspectives. It is also unclear whether males have different motivations for wanting to be initiators than females, and if so what those are.
Exploring masculinity
In many cultures, men are socialized to be dominant, aggressive, and assertive, which can make them less likely to take risks and lead to feeling anxious about taking the initiative in bed. This may explain why some men resist sexual initiation even when they want it. But recent research suggests that there are psychological benefits to sharing the responsibility of initiating sex, including greater trust, communication, and intimacy between partners.
Men who initiate
Some men find that being more active and confident in their sexual relationships makes them feel better about themselves, and leads to more fulfilling interactions. These men tend to be more comfortable talking about sex with their partner and exploring new things together. They often report feeling more connected and satisfied overall.
Some men enjoy watching their partner become aroused or experience pleasure during intercourse, which can increase feelings of connection and intimacy.
Women who initiate
Women who initiate sex may do so because they want to express their needs and desires, break from traditional gender roles, or simply enjoy the power dynamics involved. Some studies suggest that these women tend to be more confident and assertive in other areas of life as well.
Other research finds that women may feel pressure to initiate due to societal expectations or fears of rejection.
Navigating cultural narratives
Despite the benefits of shared sexual initiative, cultural narratives of male dominance can make this difficult for many men. Many men worry about coming across as too "weak" if they don't take the lead, while others may struggle with feelings of guilt or shame related to past experiences. It is important for couples to communicate openly about their needs and preferences, and to negotiate a healthy balance of initiation that works for both partners. This can help reduce anxiety and promote trust and satisfaction within the relationship.
How do men reconcile cultural narratives of dominance with the psychological benefits of shared sexual initiative?
Cultural narratives that promote male dominance over women may lead to feelings of entitlement and lack of empathy for their partners' needs and desires. This can make it difficult for some men to feel comfortable sharing sexual intimacy with their partners unless they have experienced it as an act of aggression or conquest.