Sexual Fantasy: Introduction to Attraction and Relational Expectations
A sexual fantasy is an erotic thought or image that may be recalled during masturbation or foreplay, while falling asleep, daydreaming, or at any time. It can involve people or animals, real or imagined scenarios, past or present events, or imaginary situations involving self or others. They are private thoughts, but can also be shared with partners for enjoyment. Some people have regular and frequent fantasies, while others rarely do; they can range from tame to kinky to bizarre. Most studies indicate that men have more frequent sexual fantasies than women, especially about nonconsensual or taboo activities such as rape or incest. This suggests that there may be gender differences in attraction and relational expectations.
Fantasies are common, healthy, and normal.
Some individuals experience problems if they become obsessive or lead to dangerous behaviors. Compulsive fantasizing can cause distress, interfere with daily life, relationships, or work performance, and increase stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, or depression. Obsessive fantasizers may avoid sex or masturbate excessively, which can further complicate their lives. They should seek professional help before these problems worsen.
The content of a sexual fantasy provides insight into a person's preferences, desires, and values.
A man who fantasizes about being dominated by his wife may want her to take control during lovemaking. A woman who imagines having sex with multiple male strangers may desire an exciting and varied relationship. These patterns suggest that people look for physical, emotional, and psychological satisfaction in their partner choices and interactions.
The impact of these fantasies on partner selection is not fully understood. One study found that women were attracted to men who resembled those featured in their erotic dreams, suggesting that visual similarity was important for some females. Another study showed that men were less likely to initiate a long-term relationship when their partners did not match their idealized image of women.
Sexual fantasies reveal how one views love, romance, and intimacy; what turns them on, off, or bothers them; and what they want from others. Understanding this information can improve attraction and relational expectations, promote healthy communication between partners, and prevent future problems such as infidelity or abuse.
How do sexual fantasies inform partner attraction and relational expectations?
Sexual fantasies are private, intimate, and personal experiences that can inform partner attraction and shape relational expectations. Individuals may fantasize about their ideal partners, romantic relationships, and sexual encounters, which can influence their preferences and expectations in real life.