Sexual activities can produce strong feelings of pleasure, excitement, love, attachment, belonging, connection, bonding, closeness, and satisfaction between partners. But they also have powerful aftereffects that affect how people relate to each other afterward, both psychologically and socially. These impacts are called the emotional aftermath of sex. They occur even when sex is consensual, mutually pleasurable, safe, healthy, loving, positive, and intimate.
Physiology
The body has several physiological responses during and after sex. The hormones oxytocin and dopamine are released, causing feelings of relaxation and pleasure. Dopamine produces cravings for more dopamine, leading to a vicious cycle of desire and pursuit. Oxytocin creates social bonding, including trust and loyalty. Both hormones contribute to addiction and dependence, making it harder to resist sexual temptations. Cortisol decreases during orgasm but increases afterwards, possibly as a consequence of stress from riskier behaviors or higher expectations in subsequent encounters. Sex can be an intense experience, requiring recovery time.
Behavioral patterns
After sex, people may feel tired, happy, sad, lonely, proud, shameful, guilty, angry, disappointed, affectionate, disconnected, rejected, loved, or used. These emotions influence communication and interaction between partners. People often want to express themselves, share their thoughts and desires. Some express love and gratitude. Others withdraw or ignore their partner. The emotional response depends on many factors: personal history, values, beliefs, goals, maturity, self-esteem, cultural norms, relationship status, and previous experiences.
Psychology
People's psychological states affect how they interpret the physical sensations and mental processes associated with sex.
Anxiety about performance can interfere with arousal. Anxiety about intimacy can lead to fear of rejection, which may cause avoidance or aggression. Excessive expectations or unrealistic comparisons with past lovers can cause dissatisfaction. Fantasies that don't match reality may produce confusion and conflict. Overthinking about the future or regrets can make the present seem less enjoyable.
Relational dynamics
Sex creates attachment, closeness, and commitment bonds. It makes people more likely to repeat it, increasing dependency and vulnerability. As a result, sexual activity may deepen relationships but also increase tension and conflicts. Partners may become jealous or possessive, creating distance or ending the relationship. Sexual intimacy has been linked to longer-term relationships.
Research suggests that sex is not essential for bonding or happiness in long-term relationships. In fact, frequent sex can lower satisfaction by reducing novelty and variety.
148. How does the emotional aftermath of sex influence subsequent relational dynamics?
Relationships have many layers of emotional attachment that are difficult to understand. After having sex with someone, there is often an increase in intimacy and closeness between partners. This can lead to feelings of vulnerability and openness, which may affect how people behave towards each other in future interactions. For some individuals, this increased intimacy can create a sense of commitment or responsibility for one another, leading them to act more kindly and considerately than they would otherwise.