What is "wholeness"?
Wholeness refers to the state of being complete, integrated, and whole within oneself. It can be seen as the goal of personal development and growth, where an individual strives to become fully aware of their thoughts, feelings, desires, and motivations, and finds harmony between these different aspects of their personality. Wholeness can also be viewed as the absence of fragmentation, where an individual feels no division between their inner and outer selves, emotional and rational minds, past and present experiences, or physical and spiritual bodies.
How does wholeness relate to attraction?
According to some theories, individuals may be unconsciously drawn to partners who embody repressed or missing parts of themselves. This means that they might feel attracted to someone who has traits, qualities, or attributes that they lack within themselves, or who can help them heal or integrate those missing elements into their own sense of self.
If one partner is shy and introverted while the other is outgoing and extroverted, there could be a sense in which each complements the other's lacking qualities and brings more wholeness to the relationship.
Is this theory supported by research?
There is limited empirical evidence to support this idea.
Studies have shown that people tend to choose romantic partners who possess certain desired characteristics or traits, such as intelligence, kindness, humor, or physical attractiveness.
There is growing interest in the role of attachment styles, sexual compatibility, and communication patterns in relationships, suggesting that many factors play a role in attraction beyond simple physical appearance or superficial similarities.
What are the limitations of this theory?
The "missing-piece" model of attraction assumes that individuals have specific needs or deficiencies that must be fulfilled through their partnership with others.
This can be problematic if it leads to codependency or the need for constant validation from a partner. It also doesn't account for diverse cultural, historical, and socioeconomic contexts, where different values and expectations may influence what is seen as desirable or necessary in a relationship.
Some argue that attraction is primarily based on physical and social cues, rather than unconscious psychological forces.
Can attraction ever transcend these limitations?
Attraction can extend beyond the pursuit of wholeness and involve aspects of self-growth, self-acceptance, and personal development.
An individual might feel drawn to someone who challenges them intellectually, encourages their creativity, or inspires them to take risks. This type of attraction requires a more active approach to understanding one's own needs, fears, and desires, which can lead to greater emotional maturity and self-awareness.
To what extent is attraction rooted in the pursuit of wholeness, as though individuals are unconsciously drawn to partners who embody repressed or missing parts of themselves?
The theory that romantic attraction may be based on an unconscious desire for "wholeness" suggests that people seek out partners who can fill in gaps or complement their personalities in some way. This idea has been proposed by various psychoanalytic theorists and researchers, but its validity remains debated within the field of psychology.