The teaching of Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, and other religions have strong views on how men and women should behave in their sexual relations. These views are based on ancient beliefs that were developed in response to specific cultural, historical, and social contexts. These beliefs continue to influence modern societies even though they may be outdated and misguided. Religious teachings about gendered sexual roles shape sexual assertiveness and relational negotiation in various ways. This article explores some of these influences and explains why it is important for people to break free from them to have healthy sexual lives.
Sexual Assertiveness
In most traditional religious teachings, sexual assertiveness is considered a negative trait for both genders but especially for women. The Bible says, "Women should submit themselves to their husbands as they would to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22), implying that wives should obey their husbands without questioning or complaining. This teaching has been used by many patriarchal cultures to justify female subordination and oppression. It also makes women feel guilty if they express their needs or desires during sex, fearful of punishment, and ashamed of their sexual pleasure. As a result, many women suffer emotionally and physically because of this lack of sexual assertiveness. They become frustrated with their partners' lack of understanding and effort, leading to resentment and distance. Some resort to cheating or abusive relationships just to get what they want. In Islam, women are taught to cover up their bodies and avoid any contact with men other than their husband, making them vulnerable to exploitation by others. They cannot initiate physical intimacy or suggest changes in bedroom behavior, which can cause problems in marriages. The Quran states, "Men have authority over women because God has made one superior to another," suggesting male dominance in all aspects of life, including sex. Similarly, Hinduism teaches women to be modest and respectful towards men, not even speaking loudly or touching them unnecessarily. This makes it difficult for women to communicate openly about their needs and preferences, resulting in unsatisfying sex lives and unhealthy relationships.
Relational Negotiation
Religious teachings on gendered sexual roles shape relational negotiation by limiting communication between partners.
The Bible says, "The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:23), implying that wives must submit to their husbands' wishes without question. This belief leads to power imbalances in marriages, where one partner becomes dominant and the other submissive. It also discourages couples from negotiating or compromising on issues like frequency, positions, and foreplay. Judaism encourages men to take charge during sex and decide what happens in the bedroom, while Buddhism emphasizes non-attachment and detachment, making it hard for both genders to express their desires openly. These teachings create a culture of silence around sex, where people feel ashamed or guilty if they do not fit into rigid norms. They may also experience emotional abuse or manipulation because their partners do not listen to their concerns or requests. In Islam, men are expected to initiate physical intimacy and provide pleasure for their wives, but there are no similar expectations for women. Women are often seen as objects of gratification rather than equal participants in relationships. This creates an unequal balance of power, leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment.
Impact on Mental Health
Religious teachings about gendered sexual roles can have negative effects on mental health, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, body image issues, relationship dissatisfaction, and even suicidal thoughts. Women who feel trapped by religious dogma may turn to substance abuse or risky behaviors to cope with frustration and despair. Men may become angry or violent when they cannot meet their partners' needs due to cultural pressures. LGBTQ+ individuals face additional challenges since most religions condemn same-sex relationships and see them as sinful. These beliefs lead to rejection, isolation, and discrimination, which can harm their mental health. Religious teachings that promote sexual assertiveness and relational negotiation would benefit all people, allowing them to communicate freely, explore their desires, and establish mutually beneficial relationships based on equality, trust, and respect. Breaking free from these outdated beliefs is crucial for a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
In what ways do religious teachings about gendered sexual roles shape sexual assertiveness and relational negotiation?
Religious teachings often emphasize traditional gendered roles for both men and women, wherein women are expected to be submissive and passive while men should take on an active role. This can lead to unequal power dynamics in sexual relationships, as the man may feel entitled to make decisions regarding intimacy while the woman is expected to follow along.