What is relational ambivalence?
Relational ambivalence refers to mixed feelings towards close romantic partners, friends, family members, work colleagues, and social groups. It is common among military personnel who must balance their need for emotional support from loved ones against the challenges of deployment separation and combat stressors.
It can also occur among civilians who have experienced traumatic events that affect how they relate to others.
Managing relational ambivalence requires self-awareness and communication skills. Soldiers should recognize their conflicting thoughts and emotions and express them openly without blaming or shaming their partner. This involves acknowledging one's own needs and desires while understanding the other person's perspective.
Trauma responses and attachment needs
Military service can be highly stressful and create a sense of disconnection from loved ones. Soldiers may experience traumatic events that impact their ability to form and maintain relationships. These include sexual assault, PTSD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other mental health conditions. Attachment needs refer to the desire for closeness, affection, trust, and stability in relationships. They are influenced by childhood experiences with caregivers, cultural norms, and personal values.
Combining these factors creates a unique challenge for soldiers. On one hand, they need to feel supported by loved ones but may struggle to connect emotionally due to past traumas. On the other hand, they may crave intimacy but fear rejection or abandonment. This leads to mixed feelings that cause tension and conflict within relationships.
Addressing attachment needs
Soldiers can address their attachment needs through therapy, group counseling, or individualized treatment plans. This helps them identify triggers, process negative emotions, and learn new coping strategies. It also promotes more secure attachments to family members and friends during deployment separations.
This takes time and effort. Solutions involve active listening, patience, compromise, and communication skills training. Partners must also seek professional support if necessary. Couples therapy can help build trust and address underlying issues that affect relational ambivalence.
Managing fluctuating attachment needs
Fluctuating attachment needs are common among soldiers who go on multiple deployments or face frequent separation periods.
They can occur in any relationship where partners experience prolonged stressors such as job changes or financial problems. The solution involves setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. Soldiers should communicate their limits clearly while respecting their partner's needs. This includes scheduling regular check-ins and maintaining healthy habits like exercise and social activities.
Overcoming relational ambivalence requires openness, honesty, and vulnerability. It is normal to have conflicting thoughts and emotions about relationships. By acknowledging these feelings and taking action, soldiers can improve their mental health and strengthen their bonds with loved ones.
How do soldiers manage relational ambivalence caused by fluctuating attachment needs and trauma responses?
In times of war, soldiers are often required to deal with extreme situations that can cause feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, and other negative emotions. These emotions can make it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships both during and after deployment. One common issue that soldiers may face is what is known as relational ambivalence - conflicting feelings about their romantic partners, friends, family members, and others who were not present during their service time.