Intimacy is an important part of every relationship, whether it's between friends, family members, or romantic partners. It involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with someone else. But what happens when one partner experiences trauma that fundamentally alters their sensory or emotional perception? How does this affect their ability to connect with their partner on an intimate level? In this article, I will explore how couples can rebuild intimacy after trauma has changed them both physically and psychologically.
Trauma can be caused by many things, but for soldiers, it is often related to their time spent in combat zones where they witnessed horrific acts of violence or experienced life-threatening situations. This can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is characterized by intrusive memories of the event, avoidance of anything that reminds them of it, hypervigilance, and increased arousal and anxiety. PTSD can also cause changes in mood and personality, making it difficult for individuals to connect with others.
When a soldier returns home from war, they may struggle to feel comfortable expressing themselves emotionally due to their altered senses or heightened fear responses. They may become distant from their loved ones as they try to protect themselves from triggering memories.
Their partner may not understand why they have suddenly become withdrawn or seemingly cold. As a result, they may begin to feel less connected and less intimate with their partner.
To rebuild intimacy after trauma, it's important for couples to first acknowledge that something has changed. This means having open communication about what each partner needs and wants. It could mean talking more explicitly about feelings and desires, engaging in new activities together, or seeking professional help. Couples should also practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing exercises to manage intense emotions.
Couples should prioritize physical intimacy by scheduling regular date nights or setting aside time specifically for sex. Touch therapy can be an effective way for partners to reconnect physically while processing trauma-related issues. It involves using gentle touch to help relax tense muscles and reduce symptoms of stress. Physical touch doesn't need to always lead to sexual intercourse; couples can focus on nonsexual touch like holding hands or giving massages.
Couples can seek out counseling to learn strategies for managing PTSD symptoms.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches individuals how to challenge negative thoughts related to the traumatic event. CBT can help soldiers process their experiences and learn coping skills to manage triggers in daily life. With patience, support, and understanding, couples can overcome the challenges of post-traumatic stress disorder and rekindle their romantic connection.
How do couples rebuild intimacy when a soldier's trauma has fundamentally altered their sensory or emotional perception?
The recovery of intimacy after trauma can be challenging for both parties as it requires adjustment on different levels such as physical, psychological, emotional, social, cognitive, and relational (Bradley & Hays, 2016).