Trauma refers to an event that causes physical or psychological harm, often leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can affect an individual's daily life, thoughts, and behavior. People who have experienced trauma may develop feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, isolation, or depression, making it difficult for them to cope with their emotions. One of the ways people try to regain control is through relationships.
When they experience trauma, unresolved traumas can impact their attraction towards controlling partners who offer false promises of safety, security, protection, and comfort.
Unresolved traumas influence attraction to controlling partners because these individuals are often looking for someone to take care of them, and controlling partners promise this exact thing. Traumatized individuals may feel vulnerable, helpless, and powerless, so they seek out someone who will take charge and provide support. Controlling partners may appear to be protective and caring initially, but eventually, they become emotionally abusive and manipulative, exploiting the victim's weaknesses and needs. The victim becomes dependent on the controlling partner, feeling like they cannot survive without them, even though they are not being treated well.
Controlling partners often use various tactics to maintain their dominance in a relationship, such as isolating the victim from friends and family, monitoring phone calls, emails, and social media, restricting finances, limiting freedom of movement, and demanding constant attention. They may also engage in gaslighting, denying the victim's experiences, minimizing their feelings, and blaming them for any issues in the relationship. This creates an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty that makes the victim less likely to question the controlling behavior and more likely to stay in the relationship.
Traumatized individuals may have difficulty expressing emotions or forming healthy relationships due to their past experiences. They may develop trust issues and find it hard to let go of control or give up autonomy. As a result, they may become attracted to controlling partners who offer a false sense of security and protection.
This is only temporary, and over time, the victim realizes they are not getting what they need, leading to a cycle of dependency and abuse.
To avoid attraction to controlling partners, trauma victims should focus on healing their wounds by seeking therapy, joining support groups, talking with trusted loved ones, practicing self-care, and working through their trauma triggers. It is essential to recognize that controlling partners will never provide the safety and support they seek but instead exploit their vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Seeking help from professionals can be beneficial to break free from unhealthy relationships and build healthier connections based on respect, communication, and mutuality.
How do unresolved traumas influence attraction to controlling partners?
Unresolved traumatic experiences can often lead individuals to seek out controlling partners as they may feel safer with someone who is more assertive and confident. This can stem from a sense of lacking control over one's life due to past events, leading them to seek out relationships where their partner exerts more dominance.