When it comes to romantic partnerships, one might imagine that love is always sweet and easy-going, but this is rarely true. Even in strong relationships, there are bound to be moments of stress, conflict, and even crisis where communication breaks down, desires diverge, and responsiveness becomes difficult.
These challenges can be especially daunting for couples who have experienced trauma, either individually or together. Trauma can disrupt the very foundation of a relationship, making it difficult for partners to feel secure, connected, and satisfied. In such cases, maintaining cohesion becomes an important task. Here are some strategies that can help partners cope with trauma-related difficulties and stay united.
Cohesion through empathy and validation
Empathizing with your partner's struggles and validating their feelings can be key to maintaining cohesion when trauma gets in the way. This means actively listening to your partner's emotions, acknowledging their pain, and understanding their perspective. It may also involve reflecting back what you hear them say so they know you understand.
"It sounds like you're feeling really scared right now" or "I see how upset you are about what happened." Validation helps build trust and intimacy, which can promote healing and connection.
Communication and compromise
Trauma often leads to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and conflicts. Couples should work on open and honest communication, being willing to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. They should also be prepared to negotiate and compromise, trying to find solutions that work for both partners.
If one person needs more space after a stressful event while the other feels isolated, they could agree to meet up later in the day for a brief check-in. Open communication and compromise can prevent resentment from building and lead to greater closeness and mutual understanding.
Self-care and support
Couples who have experienced trauma need to take care of themselves individually as well as together. That might mean finding activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or socializing. It might also involve seeking professional help, whether it's therapy, counseling, or medication. Above all, partners should offer each other support, providing comfort and reassurance during times of distress. Showing affection and caring for one another can be an important way to stay connected when life gets tough.
Flexibility and adaptability
Partnerships evolve over time, and changes may occur in response to external events or internal shifts. Trauma can challenge even the strongest relationships, so couples must be flexible and adaptable. This means accepting new routines, habits, and preferences without resistance or criticism.
If one partner develops a fear of intimacy, they might need to explore new ways to connect physically, emotionally, and sexually. Being open to change and adjusting expectations can promote cohesion and keep the relationship dynamic and exciting.
Support networks
Having a network of family, friends, and community can provide valuable resources when dealing with trauma. Partners who feel supported by others are less likely to isolate themselves and more likely to seek help when needed. Couples can share their struggles with loved ones, enlist them for emotional support, and lean on them for practical assistance.
A close friend might drive your partner to a medical appointment while you take care of children at home. Building a solid support system is key to maintaining cohesion.
Trauma-related difficulties can create significant challenges for romantic partnerships, but there are ways to overcome them. By practicing empathy, communication, self-care, flexibility, and support networks, couples can weather these storms together, emerging stronger than before.
How do partners maintain cohesion when trauma disrupts communication, desire, and responsiveness?
Research has shown that partners can maintain cohesion even after traumatic experiences by being aware of each other's needs and preferences, empathizing with their partner's emotions, communicating openly about their feelings, and engaging in activities that bring them together (e. g. , shared hobbies). Additionally, it is important for both partners to express gratitude towards one another and recognize the value they bring to the relationship.