Fear is a natural response to new experiences, including sexual ones. Anal play can be especially intimate and intense, which means it may also stir up some fears or doubts in partners. In this article, we'll explore common fears that might arise before or during an anal encounter, how to overcome them, and why it might be worth trying anyway.
What are the fears around anal sex?
Some common fears people have about anal sex include being judged for their desires, messiness and cleanliness, pain and discomfort, unpleasant smells, STIs, fecal matter, and lack of experience or expertise. These worries can come from personal beliefs, cultural norms, past experiences, or just general anxiety.
Judgment
People may feel judged if they express interest in anal sex because it is taboo or considered "dirty." This may be reinforced by media portrayals that depict it as deviant, pornographic, or fetishistic. But many enjoy anal pleasure without fitting these stereotypes. Some even find it more pleasurable than vaginal intercourse! Focus instead on what you want out of the experience and communicate honestly with your partner.
Messiness and Cleanliness
Cleanliness concerns can stem from worrying about getting dirty or leaving behind evidence of the act. Prepare ahead with lube, a shower, and a stain remover. If your partner agrees, try to avoid having sex on surfaces where traces would be visible. Or focus instead on the fun, intimacy, and closeness of the moment rather than the physical evidence left behind.
Pain and Discomfort
Anal play can hurt if not done right - but this is usually due to tension and lack of preparation. Communicate openly with your partner, use lots of lube, take things slowly, start with light penetration, and stay flexible. Try different positions and angles until you find one that works for both partners. It's also helpful to relax and breathe deeply.
Smells and STIs
Some people fear smell or mess during anal sex, but this can be mitigated by cleanliness and hygiene. Wearing a condom is important for safety and preventing STIs.
They are rare in anal sex. If either partner has any STI symptoms, refrain from contact, get tested, and don't engage in other risky behaviors.
Fecal Matter
This concern arises when inserting something into an area that produces waste. Use a condom for extra protection. But most poop is harmless, especially after a recent bowel movement. Don't let it deter you from trying something new! Clean up thoroughly afterwards as needed.
Lack of Experience
Many people worry about their abilities or experience level compared to others who may have had more practice. Remember that communication and enthusiastic consent are key. Talk openly beforehand about what each person wants and needs, and ask for feedback throughout. And keep practicing! Anal play takes time to master, so learning together can be fun and exciting.
How to overcome these fears
To address these concerns, communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Practice patience and understanding, and focus on the pleasure rather than the risk. Do your research and prepare ahead. Consider starting small (fingers, toys) and gradually working up to larger things (penetration). Experiment until you find what works best for both partners.
Remember that everyone deserves pleasure and intimacy - including yourself!
Why try it anyway?
Anal sex offers unique sensations and closeness. It can also enhance vaginal penetration, stimulate the prostate, increase sexual pleasure, and create a feeling of fullness and power. Try it out slowly and experiment with different positions and speeds to see if it suits you. And don't forget the many other ways to explore anal pleasure without penetration, such as rimming, fingering, and anal toys.
What fears exist around discovery or exposure during anal sexual encounters?
Anal sex can be daunting for some individuals as it involves the anus, which is considered taboo in many cultures and may evoke feelings of shame or disgust. Some people worry that their partners will judge them for engaging in this activity or feel embarrassed if they do not perform well. Others may experience anxiety about cleanliness and hygiene and worry about contracting diseases such as HIV/AIDS or hepatitis.