Article on Sexual Expectations
Intimate relationships require openness, trust, communication, compromise, cooperation, respect, and understanding. Partners must share their likes, dislikes, experiences, hopes, desires, feelings, fantasies, and limits. They must be able to explore together physically, verbally, mentally, and spiritually.
One's sexual past can affect current expectations, creating obstacles that may need to be overcome. This article explains what each partner's sexual history is, how it shapes their expectations for future intimacy, and how they can communicate about them.
1. Past sexual experience includes a person's number of previous partners, frequency, settings, activities, positions, duration, orgasm type, contraceptive methods, emotional connection, emotional attachment, sexual health, consent, pleasure, pain, fears, shame, guilt, regrets, satisfaction, etc. It also covers one's attitude toward sex, whether positive or negative, as well as whether they view themselves as experienced, inexperienced, adventurous, conservative, experimental, promiscuous, monogamous, polyamorous, kinky, vanilla, virgin, or celibate. Each partner may have different expectations based on their past experiences, causing conflict if not addressed.
2. A person with many past sexual partners may feel less attached emotionally than someone who has had few. They may assume more casual interactions are possible, leading to frustration when a new partner wants exclusivity or jealousy over their past flings. One with more experiences may feel inadequate next to a partner with fewer, leading to self-doubt, insecurity, or feelings of inferiority. Conversely, a partner with fewer sexual partners may feel out of place compared to one with many, feeling insecure or unskilled, which can cause tension and anxiety.
3. Partners should share their histories openly without judgement, comparing themselves, or criticizing each other's choices. They must listen actively, understanding why past actions occurred and the context surrounding them. This allows them to recognize differences, appreciate similarities, and set realistic goals for future intimacy together. They need to agree on communication styles, safe sex practices, and boundaries before acting.
4. To communicate effectively, partners should use nonjudgmental language, expressing opinions clearly and honestly while validating each other's perspectives. They should avoid assumptions, generalizations, stereotypes, and accusations. They should ask questions to gain clarification, seek common ground, and compromise on areas where they disagree. They should accept responsibility for their own actions, apologize for mistakes, and forgive each other's errors. By communicating openly and respectfully, partners can work toward mutual understanding, trust, and fulfillment.
How does each partner's sexual past influence expectations for future intimacy?
In this era of technology and information, it is more accessible than ever to have sex with many people. Partners' sexual past can vary from each other, but it can still affect their future intimacy if they let it. People tend to be afraid of getting hurt again, so they might not express themselves as openly. They may think that sex was better before and cannot recreate those experiences with others.