Can mutuality replace obligation in religious marriage? Marriage is considered one of the most sacred bonds between two people. It requires commitment, trust, and honesty.
It also involves an element of obligation where both partners are responsible for each other's happiness and well-being. But what if this obligation can be replaced with something more meaningful - mutuality? Mutuality implies that both partners have equal rights to expect respect, love, care, support, and companionship from each other.
Mutuality means having a healthy balance of give and take. It means that no one partner should feel like they owe anything to the other. In a religious marriage, mutuality is essential because it allows both partners to share their lives without feeling burdened or resentful. Both partners need to understand each other's needs and desires and work towards fulfilling them. This way, they create a bond based on reciprocity rather than obligation.
When one partner feels obligated to another, there may be a power imbalance. The obligated partner might feel trapped, manipulated, or forced into doing things against their will. They might feel like they cannot say 'no' to certain demands, making the relationship unhealthy. The obligator may also resent the obligated partner for not meeting their expectations or for taking advantage of their generosity.
In Islamic marriage, for example, the husband must provide for his wife financially while the wife is expected to stay at home and look after the children. This creates an imbalance in power and control which can lead to abuse and violence. Similarly, Christian marriages may place too much emphasis on chastity and fidelity, leading to repression and guilt.
But what if we redefine these traditional roles and expectations? What if we focus more on mutuality instead of obligation? Mutuality requires that both partners actively participate in creating a healthy and satisfying relationship. Instead of expecting one person to do all the work, both partners must take responsibility for maintaining the relationship. This means communicating openly about needs and desires, respecting boundaries, and working together to find solutions. It also means being supportive even when it is challenging.
When both partners have equal rights and responsibilities, they become partners in every sense. They can share their lives without fear of judgment or criticism. They can explore each other's sexuality and intimacy freely without worrying about offending the other. And they can create a safe space where love, trust, and honesty flourish.
Of course, this does not mean abandoning religious beliefs or traditions. Rather, it means adapting them to fit modern times.
Muslim marriages should recognize the importance of women's education, careers, and autonomy. Similarly, Christian marriages should allow for healthy expressions of sexual desire within marriage. By embracing mutuality, religious marriages can become more inclusive, loving, and fulfilling.