Compartmentalization is an adaptive coping strategy used by many veterans to separate their military experiences from their civilian lives. By keeping these two worlds apart, they can function better in both settings.
This technique often leads to problems in romantic relationships because it's challenging to be open and vulnerable with a partner while also shutting down certain aspects of your life. This article will explore how partners can maintain intimacy when their loved ones compartmentalize their emotions as a post-deployment coping mechanism.
The Need for Intimacy
In a relationship, sharing emotions, thoughts, and feelings are essential for creating closeness and strengthening bonds. For soldiers who have experienced trauma during deployment, opening up about their experiences may feel too risky. They may fear that sharing sensitive details could cause distress or anxiety for their partner, leading them to avoid discussing difficult topics altogether. Partners may also struggle to understand what their soldier has gone through and find it frustrating when they don't know how to support them emotionally.
Overcoming Compartmenatalization
To build intimacy despite compartmentalizing emotions, partners should focus on being patient, understanding, and accepting. Avoid pushing your soldier to share their thoughts and feelings unless they initiate the conversation. Instead, create a safe space where they feel comfortable talking freely without judgment or pressure. If you notice signs of trauma or stress, ask open-ended questions to encourage them to talk about their experiences. Listen actively and validate their feelings, acknowledging that their experience is valid and real. Don't try to "fix" them or offer unsolicited advice; instead, let them know you care and are there for them.
Creating Connection
While your soldier may not want to talk about their military experiences, this doesn't mean you can't connect in other ways. Engage in shared activities like hobbies, sports, or volunteer work together. Spend quality time together without discussion of deployed experiences. Create a sense of trust by showing respect, honesty, and loyalty in your relationship. Show affection through physical touch, such as cuddling or holding hands, which can help them feel loved and supported even if they aren't ready to discuss their trauma directly.
Seeking Support
If your partner struggles with PTSD or other mental health issues related to deployment, seek professional help from a counselor or therapist who understands veterans' needs. Encourage them to attend sessions and support them throughout treatment. You may also benefit from individual therapy to cope with secondary trauma or address relationship challenges caused by your partner's compartmentalization. Consider joining a group for spouses of soldiers, such as Blue Star Families, where you can meet others going through similar situations and receive additional support.
How do partners maintain intimacy when soldiers compartmentalize emotions as a post-deployment coping mechanism?
Partners may feel that their loved ones are emotionally distant or have difficulty expressing themselves after deployment due to the experience of warfare, which can cause strain on the relationship. This distance can be difficult for partners who are used to being close with their loved one during normal life. In order to overcome this issue, communication is key - both parties should try to be open about their feelings, fears, and experiences without judgment or criticism from either side.