People often assume that their partner's lack of sexual interest means they are no longer attracted to them or that something is wrong in their relationship.
Research shows that these assumptions are false and could lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Psychological studies explain how this happens and what couples can do about it.
The brain's reward system plays an essential role in regulating sexual drive and attraction. When someone sees or thinks about a potential partner, the brain releases chemical messengers called neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine that signal pleasure and focus attention. This creates a sense of excitement, motivation, and attraction to the person. The same process occurs during sexual activity, which reinforces the bond between partners.
The brain's neural pathways also learn to associate certain cues with sexual arousal.
If someone always has sex in a specific location or time frame, those associations become stronger over time. If the situation changes, such as going on vacation without having sex, the brain may perceive lower levels of sexual desire as a warning sign. It can be difficult for the individual to override these patterns, even if their partner remains attractive.
Stress and fatigue reduce testosterone production in men and estrogen levels in women, which affects libido. This natural fluctuation is normal and should not be taken personally. Other factors like depression, anxiety, medications, and medical conditions can also cause low sex drive.
To accept natural fluctuations, couples must acknowledge that they will have good days and bad ones in terms of desire. They should communicate openly about their needs and boundaries, avoid putting pressure on each other, and understand that their relationship goes beyond physical intimacy. By focusing on emotional connection, trust, and mutual support, partners can maintain healthy relationships regardless of their level of sexual interest.
128. What psychological processes help partners accept that sexual desire naturally fluctuates?
Partners may come to understand that it is normal for sexual desire to fluctuate over time through several mechanisms. Firstly, they may recognize that their own desires are not constant but can vary based on mood, health status, stress levels, hormonal changes, environmental factors, relationship dynamics, and other internal and external influences (Santos & Pinto, 2015).