How does trauma reshape perception of relational equity, fairness, and mutual support?
Trauma is defined as an emotional response to a terrifying event or situation that causes physical or emotional harm, such as death, accidents, violence, abuse, natural disasters, war, pandemics, or loss. Traumatic experiences can have lasting effects on individuals and impact their ability to establish healthy relationships. Research suggests that trauma can alter how people perceive relational equity, fairness, and mutual support, leading to difficulties in maintaining satisfying and fulfilling relationships. In this article, I will explore these concepts and provide examples to illustrate how they are affected by trauma.
Relational Equity
Relational equity refers to the belief that all parties involved in a relationship should contribute equally towards its maintenance and success. It involves reciprocity, where both partners give and take from each other, and neither partner expects more than they receive. When one partner feels that they are doing more work or giving more than the other, it can lead to feelings of unfairness and resentment, which may undermine the relationship's stability.
Trauma can affect relational equity in several ways.
A person who has experienced trauma may feel unworthy of love and attention due to guilt, shame, or self-doubt. They may believe that they do not deserve to be treated well, leading them to accept less than they need from others or expect more from their partner.
Trauma survivors may experience hypervigilance and hyperarousal, making them overly sensitive to criticism or rejection, causing them to react defensively and lash out at their partner without considering the consequences. This behavior can damage trust and communication between partners, further eroding the sense of relational equity.
Traumatic experiences often involve betrayals or violations of trust, such as abuse, abandonment, or neglect. These experiences can create deep mistrust and suspicion, making it difficult for individuals to form meaningful connections with others. They may fear being hurt again and struggle to open up emotionally, compromising their ability to establish intimacy and mutual support. As a result, they may avoid relationships altogether or seek unhealthy ones that reinforce their beliefs about themselves and others.
Fairness
Relational fairness refers to the perception that both parties involved in a relationship are receiving equal value from the relationship. It involves balancing needs, wants, and obligations, so each party feels satisfied with the exchange. Trauma can disrupt this balance by creating imbalances in power dynamics or causing one partner to become overly dependent on the other.
An individual who has experienced trauma may feel helpless or vulnerable, seeking comfort and protection from their partner. This dependency can make them appear needy or demanding, leading to resentment or guilt from their partner. Alternatively, the trauma survivor may be hesitant to ask for help or support, feeling guilty for placing additional burdens on their partner. This can lead to a lack of reciprocity and a sense of unfairness, where one partner does more work than the other without recognition or gratitude.
Mutual Support
Mutual support is the belief that partners should provide emotional and practical support to each other during challenging times. Trauma can impact this concept by making it difficult for individuals to trust others' intentions or reliability. They may doubt their partner's ability to offer help when needed or believe that no one will ever understand or care about them.
Traumatic experiences often involve feelings of isolation and loneliness, making it challenging to connect with others. Individuals struggling with trauma may withdraw emotionally, avoiding interactions with friends and family members who do not share their experience. They may also have difficulty opening up and sharing their thoughts and feelings with their partner, fearing judgment or rejection. This lack of communication can erode mutual support, leaving both parties feeling alone and unsupported.
Trauma can significantly affect perceptions of relational equity, fairness, and mutual support in relationships. Survivors may struggle to establish healthy connections due to feelings of self-doubt, fear, or mistrust. They may overcompensate or underestimate their needs, leading to misunderstandings and resentment from their partner. To overcome these obstacles, individuals must first address their trauma and develop healthy coping mechanisms. With time and effort, they can learn to communicate openly and honestly, establishing strong and satisfying relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
How does trauma reshape perception of relational equity, fairness, and mutual support?
Traumatic experiences can have profound effects on individuals' perceptions of relationships and their sense of justice and fairness within those relationships. When an individual has experienced trauma, they may be more likely to perceive relationships as unfair or unjust, even if this is not actually the case. This can lead to feelings of mistrust, anxiety, and insecurity in interpersonal interactions.