As humans, we all have an innate desire to connect with others. This need is so fundamental that it manifests itself through various emotional states. When someone cares about us, we tend to feel warm and happy.
There are times when we may become confused about whether someone wants to be around us because they like us or because they want something else from us. In this article, I will explain how individuals can differentiate between being wanted for connection and being wanted for performance or expectation.
Let's define what it means to be wanted for connection. It refers to a situation where another person genuinely enjoys your company and seeks your presence without having ulterior motives. They appreciate you as a person and enjoy spending time together, regardless of your contributions or achievements. On the other hand, being wanted for performance or expectation implies that the other person sees you primarily as a tool to fulfill their needs.
If your boss praises your work but does not care about your personal life, they likely want you for your performance rather than for yourself.
How can we tell if someone is wanted for connection? One way is to observe their behavior. If they initiate interactions, make plans, and show interest in your well-being, they probably value you as a person. If they only reach out when necessary, cancel plans at the last minute, or constantly compare you to others, they might want you for your performance or expectations. Another indicator is body language. Do they look at you intently, maintain eye contact, and actively listen during conversations? These behaviors indicate a desire to connect with you on an emotional level.
Another approach is to examine their words and actions. Are they supportive and understanding? Do they encourage you to pursue your dreams and goals? Or do they criticize, belittle, or try to control you? Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If someone uses manipulation tactics or makes you feel guilty for expressing your feelings, it's a red flag.
Pay attention to how they behave outside of your relationship. If they gossip behind your back, cheat on you, or mistreat others, it's unlikely that they truly care about you. A genuine connection requires honesty, loyalty, and compassion. When someone loves you for who you are, they will treat you with kindness and consideration even without immediate benefits.
Differentiating between being wanted for connection and being wanted for performance or expectation requires careful observation and introspection. By considering these factors, we can build healthier relationships founded on mutual respect and affection. Remember, true love involves acceptance, empathy, and genuine appreciation.
How do individuals emotionally distinguish between being wanted for connection and being wanted for performance or expectation?
In general, individuals may experience feelings of rejection when they are not desired for their true self but rather for what they can offer or how they can perform. This can lead to confusion about one's value and worth, as well as feelings of disconnection from others. It is important for individuals to recognize that relationships based on such expectations often involve manipulation and exploitation, and it is better to seek out genuine connections with people who appreciate them for who they truly are.