Intimate interactions between two people depend upon mutual understanding of one another's needs, desires, wants, expectations, boundaries, and limitations. If parents fail to have open and honest dialogues about sex with their children before they reach adolescence, then the adolescent will likely be unprepared to engage in intimate encounters without feeling anxious or ashamed.
If a parent fails to discuss how contraceptives work with their child, that child may later be embarrassed to purchase condoms when they become sexually active. Likewise, if a parent does not explain what is appropriate and acceptable behavior within an intimate encounter, the adolescent may feel confused and frustrated during that encounter. Parents who do not educate their children about healthy romantic relationships set them up for failure. Without sufficient knowledge, adolescents are more likely to experience sexual abuse, pregnancy, disease, heartbreak, and loneliness. To prepare your child for success, you must start talking early and keep talking often.
Preparing Your Child for Sexual Interactions
Parents should talk about sex with their children from as young an age as possible. The earlier you begin having these important discussions, the better equipped your child will be to handle situations involving sex. Children need to know that sex involves pleasure, physical stimulation, release, bonding, attachment, and commitment. They also need to understand that sex is a choice and should only occur between consenting partners. Teach your child that sex involves trust, honesty, transparency, vulnerability, respect, reciprocity, safety, and kindness. Encourage conversations about their desires, preferences, fears, fantasies, and expectations. Talk about different types of sexual experiences (e.g., kissing, petting, intercourse) and give examples of various scenarios. Describe the steps involved in each type of interaction so that the child knows what to expect when they engage in one. Teach them how to read social cues, communicate clearly, resolve conflicts, express boundaries, maintain privacy, use contraceptives properly, avoid STIs, prevent pregnancies, and deal with rejection. Help your child make sense of their own feelings by describing yours openly and honestly. Provide plenty of opportunities to ask questions and seek clarification.
Intimate Relationship Expectations
If your child has never seen intimacy modeled positively at home, they may not have much guidance regarding healthy relationships. When discussing romantic interactions, explain that it's normal for people to be attracted to each other on many levels – physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, etc. Explain that intimacy is more than just about having sex, and that there are many ways to show affection without being physical. Teach your children about the importance of communication, compromise, patience, understanding, trust, loyalty, commitment, and support. Let them know that real love involves effort, sacrifice, and hard work. Tell stories from your past about your romantic endeavors (or lack thereof). If you had any regrets or mistakes, share those too. Your child needs to hear about failed relationships as well as successful ones.
Concluding Thoughts
When parents fail to educate their children about sexuality, they leave them vulnerable to harm. Without sufficient information, adolescents will likely experience regret, trauma, disappointment, and emotional distress. Talk to your child early and often about sex so that when they become sexually active they can make informed decisions that protect themselves, others, and their futures. Give them enough education to understand what a good relationship looks like and how to create one. Don't shy away from the topic because it's uncomfortable; your child will thank you later when they enter into an amazing relationship!
In what ways do parental discussions—or lack thereof—about sex affect adolescents' emotional readiness for intimacy?
Parental talks about sexuality can play an important role in shaping their children's emotional readiness for intimacy. Children who grow up with open and honest communication between their parents are more likely to have better social skills and understand the importance of respectful communication in relationships.