Intimate couples often experience bouts of physical and emotional distance when their relationship encounters hardship.
For those who have survived trauma together - whether due to war, abuse, or infidelity - repairing the damage caused by moral injury can be even more challenging. Moral injury refers to an internal response that occurs when someone perceives they have violated their personal values, resulting in guilt, shame, fear, and self-doubt. Rebuilding intimacy after such events requires healing both partners' wounds while simultaneously reestablishing trust in each other. This task is difficult because it involves recognizing vulnerability, acknowledging mistakes, confronting betrayal, and committing to change. To restore closeness in a relationship, partners must work through these four steps:
1) Admitting wrongdoings: Couples must take responsibility for their actions rather than avoiding them. They should start by expressing regret about hurtful behavior without placing blame or justifying their choices.
2) Working towards forgiveness: Partners may need time apart to reflect on their misdeeds and grieve over the lost relationship. During this period, they should practice empathy towards one another and try to understand why their spouse acted as they did.
3) Reaffirming commitment: Once couples have expressed remorse and begun to move forward with forgiveness, they can recommit themselves to one another. This entails promising not only to never repeat their transgressions but also to work toward mutual respect and care.
4) Establishing healthy boundaries: Rebuilding trust takes patience and effort; couples must learn how to set limits around sex, communication, and responsibilities. It's crucial for each partner to recognize boundaries and adhere to them - even when it feels uncomfortable.
This process is not easy, yet it allows couples who experience moral injury to rebuild intimacy despite past trauma. By showing vulnerability, seeking forgiveness, restoring faith, and establishing boundaries together, they can heal wounds from within while strengthening their bond outside.
How do couples rebuild intimacy after moral injury disrupts self-image, trust, and emotional availability?
Couples can rebuild intimacy by understanding each other's perspective and rebuilding mutual respect through effective communication. The partners should discuss their feelings openly and find ways to show affection that meet each partner's needs. They should also engage in activities together, such as exercising, cooking, or taking walks, which can help build new memories of closeness and strengthen their bond.