How to Repair Sexual Relationships Strained by Extended Separation Due to Work, Military Service, or Migration
By: Sarah Johnson
Love has never been easy but when people are physically apart for weeks or months at a time, it can become even more difficult. This is particularly true in romantic relationships that were already struggling before one partner left home. When couples have been together for some time, they know each other's habits and quirks, making them feel like an extension of themselves. They also share secrets and emotional bonds. Suddenly being unable to see one another, touch one another, sleep next to one another, cuddle, kiss, or make love takes away much of what made their relationship special. As such, long separations often create sexual strain between partners. Yet, this does not mean all hope is lost. There are many strategies that will help you rebuild intimacy after extended separation.
The first step to repairing your sexual relationship is to remember how important it was before separation. Talk about how you felt as a couple, how you enjoyed spending time together, and why you loved your partner so much. Then remind yourself that those feelings still exist. Tell your partner how much you miss him/her, how much you wish you could be with him/her right now, and how you can't wait until he/she returns. By acknowledging the importance of your relationship, you will begin to build trust again. Next, start talking about your fantasies, hopes, dreams, and desires for the future. What do you want to accomplish together? Where do you plan on going on vacation? How do you imagine things changing once your partner returns? Use these topics to bond with each other emotionally. Let him/her know what's in your heart and mind. Ask him/her about his/her plans and ambitions. This will give you both something to look forward to while apart.
Once you have built an emotional bridge, it may be easier to talk about sex itself. After all, no matter how good your communication was before, it can always improve. Share memories from earlier times when you had great sex together. Remind him/her of the best parts of being intimate. Recall moments when you were completely connected physically and spiritually. Show him/her photos or videos if you have them. You can also send letters that are sexually explicit but not offensive.
Make time to talk about your sexual needs during this time. Do you need more foreplay? Would he/she enjoy a long phone call after work? Are there certain positions or activities that would feel better than others? Could you try something new like role-playing or costumes? Make sure you understand his/her boundaries so nothing is done that makes either one of you uncomfortable.
For most couples, being able to see each other face to face is essential. If possible, arrange video chats so you can at least watch one another. Talk dirty and be openly sexual during your calls. Explore sensual touch through the screen. Tell him/her how much you miss having physical contact. Send sexy texts throughout the day. Try sending pictures of yourself to keep things exciting. Some people even prefer phone sex over video chat because they can visualize what their partner is doing. Whatever helps you stay close and maintain intimacy should be encouraged. When you finally do reunite, set aside time for quality alone time in the beginning rather than jumping straight into sex. This will help you reconnect as partners first, then lovers later.
Don't forget to show appreciation for all your partner does while away from home. Be positive and supportive. Keep communication lines open. Don't nag or complain too often. Instead, tell him/her everything he/she has accomplished. Give compliments and praise when appropriate. Show gratitude and respect for his/her sacrifices. By demonstrating your care and concern, it will encourage him/her to want to come back sooner. At the same time, make an effort to be independent. Find activities you enjoy without him/her. Stay active and social. Take up a new hobby if needed. Don't lose sight of who you were before meeting him/her but instead evolve into someone even better. That way, you'll still feel whole and happy by yourself but also excited to see him/her again.
It won't be easy to repair any relationship damaged by separation, especially one that lacks sexuality. But with patience and understanding, most couples can return to the intimate bond they once shared. By acknowledging the emotional gaps between them, working together to create fantasies for the future, and being openly sexual even while apart, couples can bridge the gap between physical presence and long-distance connection. Remember, love is not just about physical contact; it requires trust, empathy, honesty, loyalty, commitment, and friendship. These are all things that can grow even stronger during extended separations.
How do couples repair sexual relationships strained by extended physical separation due to work, military service, or migration?
Couples can repair their sexual relationship by being open with each other about their needs and desires, communicating effectively, finding time for intimacy despite long-distance, prioritizing intimacy over busy schedules, setting boundaries, expressing gratitude and appreciation for each other's efforts, and seeking professional help when necessary.