Sexual abstinence and emotional distance are common reactions for couples experiencing trauma. These can result from various forms of trauma, such as past traumatic experiences, chronic stress, or current events that trigger traumatic memories or feelings. While it is normal to seek safety during times of trauma, this can lead to unintended consequences in romantic relationships. This article will explore how couples can maintain connection when facing challenges caused by temporary sexual abstinence or emotional distance due to trauma.
Understanding trauma's impact on sexuality and intimacy
Trauma can affect sexuality and intimacy in many ways. Traumatized individuals may experience physical and psychological symptoms, including anxiety, depression, irritability, and sleep disturbances, which can disrupt sexual functioning.
Survivors of trauma may struggle with trust issues, feeling emotionally distant, and avoidance of intimate situations. As a result, they may experience difficulty initiating or responding to sexually intimate behavior, leading to sexual abstinence.
Communication and transparency
Communication is essential for couples dealing with trauma-induced sexual abstinence or emotional distance. Couples should be open about their needs and expectations regarding sexual activity and intimacy. This openness creates an environment where partners feel safe expressing their concerns, fears, and vulnerabilities. Honest communication allows each partner to understand the other's perspective, leading to greater empathy and support.
Physical affection and touch
Even without intercourse, couples can still connect through physical affection and touch. Touch can be non-sexual, such as holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or massages. These activities help build intimacy, foster closeness, and release oxytocin, the 'feel-good' hormone that promotes bonding.
Mental stimulation
Mental stimulation can also promote connection when sexual activity is not possible. Partners can engage in activities like conversations, board games, watching movies together, or exploring new hobbies. Engaging in these activities helps create a shared experience, deepens intimacy, and provides a distraction from stressful thoughts and feelings.
Address underlying causes
Addressing the underlying cause of trauma-induced sexual abstinence or emotional distance is crucial for maintaining connection. Counseling, therapy, or support groups can help individuals process past traumas and develop healthy coping strategies. Participating in these activities together can strengthen the relationship and promote healing.
Practicing self-care
Self-care is essential for both partners dealing with trauma-induced sexual abstinence or emotional distance. Each individual should prioritize their own wellbeing by engaging in self-soothing techniques, practicing mindfulness, meditation, exercise, or other forms of self-care. This practice reduces anxiety and stress levels, which makes it easier to relax, communicate openly, and connect emotionally.
Focus on positive experiences
Focusing on positive experiences can help couples reconnect despite temporary sexual abstinence or emotional distance due to trauma. These activities include enjoying nature, spending time with friends and family, creating art, learning new skills, or exploring new interests. These practices reduce isolation and increase happiness, making it easier to connect when sexual activity resumes.
Seek professional assistance
If sexual abstinence or emotional distance persists beyond six months, seeking professional assistance may be necessary. A qualified mental health professional can provide specialized care and guidance tailored to each couple's unique needs. It may involve cognitive-behavioral therapy, sex therapy, couples counseling, or medication management. Professional support can also offer objectivity, empathy, and resources that may not be available within the relationship.
How do couples maintain connection when trauma-induced avoidance leads to temporary sexual abstinence or emotional distance?
The key to maintaining connection in such situations is understanding that both partners are likely experiencing difficulties with intimacy. It is important for each partner to acknowledge their feelings and communicate openly about them. This can involve talking about why they feel they need space or what kind of support they need from their partner during this time. Additionally, it may be helpful to explore alternative forms of intimacy such as nonsexual touch, physical affection, or emotional closeness.