Long-Term Desire Is a Skill
In long-term relationships, desire doesn't just stick around; it's maintained, like fitness or language. You have to flirt, fantasize, try, don't wait for the spark – practice it! Here are some tips to keep your relationship fresh and exciting:
1. Keep up communication. Share your thoughts, feelings, fears, desires, needs, dreams, hopes, and expectations regularly. Ask each other what you want more or less of. Be honest and open about what turns you off and why. Be creative with nonverbal cues and body language. Be willing to discuss topics that might be uncomfortable at first but will improve trust and connection. This can help build strong foundations for a deeper understanding of one another.
2. Experiment with new things together. Try new foods, activities, adventures, places, roles, rules, and fantasies. Take turns leading and follow, try risky games, dress-up, talk dirty, tease, roleplay, and play out scenarios from books, movies, TV shows, or even real life. Don't shy away from talking about sex in detail, including past experiences, preferences, limits, kinks, fetishes, and fantasies. Make time for intimate moments outside of intercourse, such as massages, kissing, cuddling, and skinship.
3. Focus on physical attraction and appreciation. Show respect and admiration through words and actions. Compliment your partner daily, touch often, look into their eyes, give affectionate compliments, and make them feel special. Express gratitude for small gestures, like washing dishes or doing laundry. Talk about how attractive they are, inside and out. Spend quality time alone together without distractions. Share the same hobbies, interests, goals, values, and lifestyle habits.
4. Embrace vulnerability. Be vulnerable by sharing personal struggles, fears, and insecurities. Encourage each other to open up and share honestly. Listen actively and empathetically, without judgment or advice. Respect their boundaries, opinions, decisions, and choices. Find a healthy balance between dependence and independence, selflessness and selfishness, and romanticism and practicality. Don't take things personally; be mature when disagreeing.
5. Practice compromise and commitment. Be patient with one another's flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. Accept that everyone is different and unique. Set reasonable expectations, trust each other, and work towards a common goal. Don't compare your relationship to others, but aim for growth, progress, and improvement. Seek professional help if needed for conflict resolution, mental health issues, addiction, infidelity, abuse, etc. Remember why you fell in love and renew those feelings regularly.
6. Stay connected outside of sex. Spend time together without talking about work, bills, kids, chores, or problems. Watch movies, play games, read books, go on walks, cook together, and enjoy nature. Take breaks from technology, social media, and electronics. Express gratitude for what you have and look forward to the future. Have separate hobbies and interests, then come back together to discuss them. Plan fun dates at least once a month.
7. Make it a priority. Show affection publicly, like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and flirting. Schedule regular date nights, vacations, and getaways. Prioritize physical intimacy by taking turns initiating intimate moments. Share fantasies and desires frequently and act on them whenever possible. Focus on making time for pleasure, rest, relaxation, and self-care. Create rituals, traditions, and memories as a couple.
8. Celebrate milestones and anniversaries. Appreciate each other's achievements, contributions, and support. Thank one another for being there through ups and downs, good times and bad. Recognize that relationships take work and commitment, compromise and effort. Don't give up too soon; be patient with yourselves and each other. Accept that things will change over time, but stay committed to making it last.
In conclusion, long-term desire is a skill that requires practice and attention. By communicating openly, experimenting safely, focusing on attraction, embracing vulnerability, practicing compromise and commitment, staying connected outside of sex, making it a priority, and celebrating milestones, you can keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Remember that no one is perfect, and everyone has flaws. Love is about accepting those flaws and working towards growth, progress, and improvement together.