Couples often experience stressors that threaten to disrupt their relational cohesion. This can take the form of major life events like illness, death, financial hardship, job loss, infidelity, or trauma. Traumatic experiences such as war, natural disasters, accidents, abuse, assault, or violence can cause symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is characterized by avoidance behaviors, withdrawal from social interactions, intrusive thoughts about the event, negative alterations in cognitions and moods, hyperarousal, difficulty sleeping, feelings of guilt and shame, irritability, aggression, and impulsiveness. When one partner suffers PTSD, it can affect communication patterns within the couple, leading to distrust, secrecy, resentment, distance, and estrangement.
There are strategies that couples can implement to maintain intimacy despite these difficulties.
Partners should engage in regular check-ins regarding each other's mental health. They should make time for honest conversations about how they are feeling physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. They should also practice active listening skills, such as mirroring back what their partner says to ensure understanding and validate emotions. Second, partners should prioritize positive experiences together, such as shared activities, hobbies, vacations, or date nights. These can be opportunities for connection, relaxation, and enjoyment. Third, partners should recognize the importance of touch and physical contact even when avoidant behavior is present. This may involve finding ways to initiate or receive comfort through nonverbal cues like hugs, massages, handholding, or simply sitting close together. Fourth, partners should explore creative ways to communicate beyond words, such as writing notes, sending texts, leaving voicemails, or using emojis and stickers. Fifth, partners should set boundaries around triggers and traumatic memories, including not discussing them at certain times or locations. Sixth, partners should seek professional help from a therapist who specializes in treating trauma or PTSD. A therapist can provide tools and techniques to manage symptoms, strengthen communication skills, and build trust.
Partners should work towards forgiveness and rebuilding trust over time. This can include making amends, demonstrating vulnerability, expressing gratitude, showing affection, and creating new shared memories together.
Maintaining relational cohesion despite trauma-related avoidance or withdrawal requires openness, patience, and dedication. Couples need to establish regular check-ins, make time for positive experiences, acknowledge the need for touch and intimacy, communicate outside of words, respect each other's needs, seek support, and work towards healing and reconciliation. With these strategies, couples can navigate trauma-related challenges and preserve their relationship.
How do couples maintain relational cohesion when trauma-related avoidance or withdrawal disrupts patterns of intimacy?
Couples can maintain relational cohesion by understanding each other's needs and communicating effectively during times of trauma-related avoidance or withdrawal. They should be patient with each other, empathic, and supportive while working towards rebuilding their connection. It is crucial for them to create a safe space where they feel comfortable discussing their feelings and experiences related to the traumatic event.