The military is a profession that demands sacrifice and separation from loved ones for extended periods. For heterosexual couples, this can be challenging but often surmountable.
For lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) couples who are unable to get married under federal law, deployments present additional difficulties due to societal stigmas, cultural norms, legal barriers, and personal beliefs. Deployed individuals may feel like they are living a double life, hiding their true selves while representing the armed forces. This can create emotional distance between partners and strain communication, resulting in long-term damage to the relationship. Therefore, it is crucial to explore how LGBT couples develop strategies to maintain intimacy and emotional connection during deployment.
Strategies for Maintaining Intimacy
One strategy for maintaining intimacy is to plan ahead. Before the partner deploys, couples should discuss their expectations, desires, fears, and hopes regarding communication frequency, topics, and level of openness. They must decide what types of contact will be permitted and comfortable for both parties - phone calls, emails, letters, text messages, or video chats. It's essential to set up regular check-ins and schedule dates for phone sex or cybersex. These plans ensure that partners remain connected physically and emotionally, even when separated by physical distance.
Couples should consider setting sexual boundaries to avoid feelings of guilt or jealousy if one partner engages in other relationships while deployed.
They might agree on no-contact periods or safe words to indicate discomfort with a particular act or topic.
Couples should establish rituals to reinforce their bond, such as reading aloud from a shared book or sharing photos.
Strategies for Emotional Connection
Another strategy for staying connected is to prioritize emotional intimacy over physical intimacy. This means communicating honestly about thoughts, feelings, worries, and desires without judgment or shame. Couples should ask questions, listen attentively, and offer supportive responses. If possible, they can use technology like Skype or FaceTime to see each other's facial expressions and body language. Expressions of affection, such as hugs, kisses, and hand-holding, are also important.
It's vital not to pressure the deployed partner to do these things if they don't feel comfortable or have time constraints. In addition, LGBT couples may explore virtual communities and support groups to find camaraderie and understanding during deployment. They can join online chat rooms, message boards, or local chapters to connect with others going through similar experiences.
Maintaining intimacy and emotional connection during military deployments requires effort and creativity from both partners. By planning ahead, prioritizing communication, and exploring new ways of connecting, LGBT couples can weather this challenge successfully.
It's essential for all military families to remember that separation does not need to mean isolation - there are many tools available to keep relationships strong even when apart.
How do LGBT couples develop adaptive strategies to maintain intimacy and emotional connection during deployment?
Members of same-sex and nontraditional couples who are facing the challenges of military deployment can still maintain their intimate and emotional connection despite distance by using creative and effective communication methods. These include regular phone calls, emails, and video chats, but they should also incorporate new ways of staying connected such as sharing photos or videos that capture memories together. Couples could even create a virtual journal with messages to each other or take turns writing letters.