One thing that is often emphasized in discussions about healthy sexuality is the importance of maintaining a strong interest in physical intimacy. It's essential for couples to enjoy spending time together, exploring their bodies, and expressing themselves physically if they want their relationship to continue being fulfilling and meaningful.
It can be challenging to stay curious about one another after years or even decades together when the day-to-day grind of life takes its toll. How do you keep things interesting? What are some strategies for cultivating new sources of excitement in an established coupledom? One answer lies in curiosity itself - specifically, erotic curiosity.
The definition of erotic curiosity is straightforward - it's simply an interest in sex and all related topics.
This might sound like a dry way to put it. Erotic curiosity encompasses so much more than mere fascination with genitalia; it includes arousal, desire, attraction, sensuality, passion, seduction, foreplay, pleasure, orgasm, romance, emotional connection, communication, intimacy, and vulnerability. In other words, it's everything that makes sex fun! And it doesn't just apply to your partner - any aspect of human sexuality can pique our erotic curiosity.
Erotic curiosity sustains long-term sexual motivation, desire, and relational engagement by helping us discover fresh ways to connect with our partners on a physical level. When we remain open to new ideas, we allow ourselves to explore the boundaries of what feels good and exciting rather than falling into familiar patterns of behavior. This keeps things interesting because there is always something new to try. It also allows us to share our fantasies and desires without fear of judgment or rejection, which fosters deeper trust and intimacy between partners.
Being curious about others outside our relationship can help us appreciate our partners even more and feel more confident in their ability to satisfy our needs.
Of course, not everyone shares the same degree of erotic curiosity. Some people are naturally more turned on by certain things while others require more effort to become engaged. But even those who don't have an obvious "type" can benefit from cultivating this quality over time. By exploring different aspects of our sexual selves, including body image, self-pleasure practices, sensory experiences (e.g., taste, touch), and sensual environments (e.g., candlelight, music, scent), we can expand our understanding of what turns us on and how we want to be touched/touched. We can also learn more about our partner's preferences and explore them together to create a shared language for pleasure.
The key to maintaining erotic curiosity is simply making it a priority. Set aside time each week - whether it's date night, a special occasion, or just some free time after dinner - to talk about sex and express your interest in trying new things. Don't pressure your partner to do anything they aren't comfortable with; instead, focus on creating a safe space where all ideas are welcome. You may find that some activities trigger memories or spark inspiration in one another, leading you down unexpected paths towards better connection and greater enjoyment.
How does erotic curiosity sustain long-term sexual motivation, desire, and relational engagement?
Research shows that erotic curiosity is an important factor that can sustain long-term sexual motivation, desire, and relational engagement (Kleinplatz & Nelson, 2017). Erotic curiosity involves a sense of wonderment, excitement, and intrigue about one's partner's body, which often manifests as a deep interest in learning new things about their sexuality and exploring different ways of expressing it together.