Some use psychological "checkpoints" at predetermined scene points where the dominant pauses, looks into their partner's eyes, and asks for permission to continue. These mini-breaks reaffirm consent without relying on a full safeword while still maintaining the desired intensity of play. This balance between flow and safety can be achieved through the following steps:
1. Establish communication: Before beginning any BDSM activity, it is crucial to discuss boundaries, expectations, limits, and aftercare. This includes negotiating which safewords will be used during playtime. However, some individuals may feel uncomfortable saying "red," especially when they are highly aroused or being subjected to intense stimulation. In these situations, verbal safewords may become ineffective. To avoid this issue, incorporate nonverbal signals that indicate when someone needs a break. For example, establish eye contact, hand gestures, or body language as checkpoints that indicate the need for a pause in play.
2. Set the scene: Once the agreement has been made, start the scene with an icebreaker to help both parties relax and get comfortable. Some examples include sensual touch, light bondage, or erotic teasing. As the scene progresses, make sure to communicate clearly what will happen next so there are no surprises. Use safe words if necessary to ensure all participants remain engaged and enthusiastic throughout the session.
3. Checkpoints: At predetermined intervals during the scene, the Dominant should pause, look directly at their submissive, and ask if they would like to continue. The submissive should respond honestly, either verbally or nonverbally. If they give permission to proceed, the Dominant should resume play without delay. If not, the Dominant should stop immediately and check-in to see why the submissive wants a break. Respecting their answer, even if it means ending the scene early, is crucial for maintaining trust and respect.
4. Aftercare: Ending the scene does not mean forgetting about aftercare. It's essential to take time to process the experience, debrief, and reconnect emotionally. This can be done through cuddling, sharing thoughts and feelings, or simply taking a moment to breathe together. Remember that BDSM activities are not just physical but also mental and emotional experiences, and proper aftercare helps everyone involved feel safe and supported.
By incorporating checkpoints into BDSM scenes, dominants can establish consent and maintain safety while still providing excitement and intensity. By doing this, both partners can enjoy the experience fully and leave feeling empowered and satisfied.