Soldiers are trained to be detached from their emotions, which is necessary for them to perform their duties effectively and safely. They must suppress their feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness and focus solely on completing their mission. This detachment can make it difficult for them to connect with others emotionally, including romantic partners or family members.
They still have basic human needs for connection, love, and companionship. How do soldiers reconcile these conflicting demands?
One way that soldiers may try to meet their need for warmth and affection is through hugs and physical touch. While hugging someone in uniform may seem like an intimate act, it can also serve as a way for soldiers to express their gratitude or appreciation without getting too close emotionally. Touching someone's arm or shoulder while speaking can also help create a sense of closeness and support. Another strategy is using nonverbal communication, such as eye contact, nodding, and smiling, to show that they care about someone without being overly emotional. Some soldiers may even engage in flirtatious banter or playful teasing as a way to connect with others.
Sexuality is another area where soldiers face challenges. Sexual attraction and desire are natural human impulses, but sexual activity can be dangerous and distracting during combat situations. Many soldiers choose to abstain from sex until they return home. Others may engage in casual encounters, but this can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or loneliness. Some soldiers may find relief in pornography or masturbation, which can provide a temporary outlet for sexual urges without the risk of emotional attachment.
This can also reinforce a culture of objectification and dehumanization that contributes to violence against women and other marginalized groups.
The most important thing for soldiers who want to maintain healthy relationships is communication. They must communicate openly and honestly about their needs and boundaries, both before and during their deployment. This includes discussing how much time and energy they have available for family and friends, what types of physical affection are acceptable, and how they feel about intimacy and sex. Soldiers should avoid making promises they cannot keep, such as promising to call every day or write letters, since these expectations can add stress and disappointment. Instead, they can focus on being present and engaged when they are together, whether it's through conversation, shared activities, or simply holding hands.
Reconciling protective emotional restraint with relational needs requires balancing empathy and detachment. Soldiers need to stay focused on their mission while still acknowledging their own emotions and those of others. It means learning to recognize and manage their feelings without losing control or becoming overwhelmed by them. It also means setting clear boundaries and expectations so that everyone involved feels safe and respected. By finding this balance, soldiers can maintain strong connections with loved ones while fulfilling their duties as warriors.
How do soldiers reconcile protective emotional restraint with the relational need for warmth, physical touch, and affection?
The primary factor that influences a soldier's ability to reconcile protective emotional restraint with the relational need for warmth, physical touch, and affection is their personal experiences during combat. Soldiers who have been exposed to traumatic events often struggle with regulating their emotions, which can lead to difficulty forming healthy relationships and experiencing intimacy. According to research by Blevins et al.